INCLUSIVISION
We hear it every year. Kosovo to enter for the first time? Will it finally be Kazakhstan’s debut year? And what about Liechtenstein and the Faroe Islands? They enter in UEFA and FIFA, why not Eurovision? Well, as long as their national broadcasters are not EBU members, we’ll still not be seeing them.
So, what if they decided that enough is enough, and formed a breakaway contest for all those who, for whatever reason, are not able to enter Eurovision?
Inspired by the international football equivalent, CONIFA, for which I am personally a volunteer, comes Inclusivision. The idea is, as it says on the tin, to include countries, or other autonomous states, that are not included in Eurovision. The original name was Alternativision, but it didn’t quite have the same ring to it. In this instance, all participants will be referred to as “states” – to represent the fact that many of them are not infact countries, but autonomous states, regions, ethnic communities or disputed territories.
So, let’s have a look at the members who would be likely to participate, and how they’d be commonly defined or classified. Some have two names – both of which are specified – their commonly-used, English-language name (e.g. Wales) and their native name (e.g. Cymru).
* Countries who enter in UEFA/AFC or FIFA, but not Eurovision. This could include: Faroe Islands, Gibraltar, Kazakhstan, Kosovo, Lebanon, Liechtenstein, Northern Ireland, Scotland, Wales/Cymru
* Regions, states or counties within countries. This could include: Catalunya, Cornwall/Kernow, Gozo, Isle of Man/Ellan Vannin, Isle of Wight, Yorkshire
* Ethnic communities within another country. This could include: Karpatalja – the ethnic Hungarian community in Ukraine, and Felvidek – the ethnic Hungarian community in Slovakia. We’re missing them so much in Eurovision that we thought we’d mention them twice
* Disputed territories or autonomous states: the most obvious examples being Greenland – which officially belongs to Denmark despite being located nearly two thousand miles away, and Northern Cyprus: the Turkish-speaking area of the nation (the majority is Greek-speaking, of course)
Rules for the contest are as follows:
* Each participant must include at least one member of their performing or song-writing team with a link to the member state it is representing – this could include by place of birth, or by being a student, resident or employed at some point during their life (currently or previously), or having a family member with a similar link
* As in the main contest, all songs must not exceed three minutes in length. Some of the entries I have chosen may do, in which case their performance will need to be shortened on the night of the contest
* Also as in the main contest, each performance may only feature a maximum of six performers on stage. I’m not personally a fan of this limit, but let’s keep it simple for the time being. That’s always been my motto
* No region may be geographically represented more than once. So, for example, Yorkshire and Cornwall/Kernow, both counties/regions of England, may enter, but if either of them do, then England may not as they would already be represented
The last thing that needs to be established is the host city and venue. Many realistic contenders would be eligible; in the UK, Cardiff, Leeds and Sheffield all have large arenas. Candidates in the former Soviet bloc include Transnistrian capital Tiraspol and Kazan in Tatarstan (Russia’s fifth largest city, which hosted matches in the 2018 FIFA World Cup). Munich in Bavaria also seems a safe bet with numerous sizeable venues, and in the Nordic region, the Skaneland capital of Malmo which has, of course, hosted Eurovision twice previously (and will do again very soon)!
But after a very competitive and closely-fought bidding process, the host venue was chosen to be the Palau Sant Jordi in Barcelona – the capital of Catalunya. With a capacity of 17,000, excellent transport links both within the city itself and getting in and out of it, and very strong infrastructure and facilities in all necessary aspects, most would agree it was a good choice, even if not everyone’s favourite. But then, you can never please everyone. The presenters will be 2017 Operacion Triunfo runner-up Aitana Ocana-Morales, and actor David Solans.
So, here’s a realistic picture of how I think the first edition would look, with a full list of participants (in order of performance):
1. LIECHTENSTEIN – Al Walser: “I Can’t Live Without You”
As the only song by the only artist to have had a hit across Europe (if you can even call it that), it was a somewhat obvious choice, to say the least. Someone please correct me if I’m wrong, although in a micro-state with a population that would fit quite nicely into Everton’s Goodison Park, it’s not much of a shock. Suffice to say, it was an internal selection.
2. GOZO – Miriam Christine: “Bi ftit Kliem”
Malta’s 1996 Eurovision entrant. A strong ballad, impeccably performed, but not a likely winner. Singing second has never proved successful at Eurovision to date, and neither have Malta. Add to the fact she’ll be singing in her native tongue (Maltese) – spoken by less than half a million people, it seems a reasonable assumption that they won’t have to worry about probably not having a large enough venue to host if they were to win. Internally selected.
3. ISLE OF MAN/ELLAN VANNIN – Voodoo Bandits: “I’m a Loser”
Well, we’re sure they’re not losers, though indie bands don’t tend to get very far in Eurovision, so they aren’t likely to be winners. Another internal selection from the UK crown dependency – local heroes the Bee Gees would have been eligible, but perhaps unsurprisingly, were not interested
4. TATARSTAN – Alsou: “Love You Back”
Russia’s contestant from 2000 – second only to the Olsen Brothers, she also had a UK top 40 hit a year later with “Before You Love Me”. Her popularity, both in Eurovision circles and in the Eastern bloc, should perhaps make her one of the favourites by default, even if the song itself seems more of a mid-table plodder. A current Soviet state with a population of nearly 4 million people, she was internally selected, despite 2013 contestant Dina Garipova being considered.
5. YORKSHIRE – Amelia Lily: “California”
A favourite within the Pride event circles, and hailing from Middlesbrough (officially part of the North county since 1997, although generally not considered part of Yorkshire by locals), the song itself was one of her later hits which barely scraped the top 40 – and as such will not be expected to score highly in the contest. Winner of a strong final which included five other bands and singers from the historic region, now officially four separate counties.
6. KOSOVO – Era Istrefi: “Prisoner”
A superstar in Kosovo and Albania, but her only real claim to fame across the continent is her 2016 single “Bon Bon” which charted in numerous countries. Fellow native Kosovar singers Dua Lipa, Ava Max and Rita Ora were also contacted, but were either not interested or unavailable. Still, in a national final which included her older sister Nora, she emerged victorious with a vaguely Rihanna influenced ragga-pop song that could be a darkhorse, even if not a winner.
7. NORTHERN IRELAND – Leah McFall: “Happy Human”
One of many former UK Voice/X-factor veterans, this mid-tempo, relatively alternative number will be unlikely to score highly. In a televised, two-way battle for televoters only, she was the surprise victor over fellow Voice contestant, Andrea Begley – in a show entitled “the Rematch”, she gained revenge for her defeat in the second UK series of the show, back in 2009.
8. GREENLAND – Julie Berthelsen: “Butterfly”
This happens to be my favourite (what can I say, I’m just a sucker for a ballad in the key of F). It’s the world’s largest island, ironically with a population smaller than my hometown of Weston-super-Mare (there’s around 90,000 here and around 60,000 there). Second in the Danish version of Popstars in 2002 and with five albums to her name, she also entered the Danish MGP as part of a duet with Nina Kreutzmann-Jorgensen in 2019 – narrowly beaten by Leonora. Her song bears reminiscence to Kelly Clarkson’s Thing About Me’ and Bruno Mars’ international smash ‘The Way You Are’. She was internally selected, with popular band the Small Time Giants promised a slot at the next contest.
9. TRANSNISTRIA – Sunstroke Project: “Party”
A band that need no introduction, except for three words: Epic. Sax. Guy. Arguably favourites to win due to their fanbase alone, but with a song perhaps even stronger than either of their Eurovision entries, it seems theirs to lose. Internally selected and qualify due to Antonin’s hometown of Tiraspol (yes, he’s the sax guy).
10. FAROE ISLANDS – Uni Arge: “Vangamyndir”
Every entrant has a story, but this one is particularly interesting. Uni Arge is a renowned public figure for many reasons in the islands – not only is he a well-respected journalist, he is also a former international footballer for the Islands; scoring 8 times in 37 appearances. In his spare time, he’s an indie-folk singer. Is there anything he can’t do?! After an intense national final – beating off stiff competition from Eivor, Linda Andrews and Lena Anderson, amongst others; his popularity eventually prevailed. Perhaps he was always at an unfair advantage? Vangamyndir, however, though perhaps appealing to a niche market, may not be expected to hit the kind of heights that he has in his various career exploits.
11. CORNWALL/KERNOW – Bailey Tomkinson: “Movie Scene”
Country-pop singer from St. Ives, internally selected. A relatively bland offering which may be in need of a revamp, but with the potential to do well. The young singer will no doubt carry the song well on stage.
12. KAZAKHSTAN – Dimash: “SOS”
By far the largest of all the states participating – both by population and size (ninth in the world in the latter category). Perhaps the favourite to win the jury vote, and some people’s favourite to win the contest overall. And with good reason: a power ballad with shades of Gjon’s Tears. Winner of Slaviansky Bazaar in 2015 – a contest for former Soviet states, he beat off competition from fifteen other contenders – which included two of their former Junior Eurovision entrants – in a five-part pre-selection that MelFest would have been proud of.
13. BAVARIA – Joey Heindle: “Courage”
The state which comprises of around half the landmass of southern Germany, including the major cities of Munich and Nuremberg. His breakthrough came in finishing fifth in Deutschland Sucht den Superstar in 2012 – a year later, he won the game show Ich bin Ein Star – Holt Mich Hier. Upbeat but non-descript, another victory to add to his collection seems a tall order. Internally selected.
14. NORTHERN CYPRUS – Ziynet Sali: “Kalbim Tatilde”
Though Cyprus compete as one nation in Eurovision, the northern part of the island, as explained earlier, very much has its own political identity. Ziynet was one of two popular singers of Turkish-Cypriot origin involved in a two-way televised sing-off for the right to compete for her state. Another artist who will rely primarily on her fanbase for votes, but could pull off a surprise with a traditional Middle-Eastern sounding pop song.
15. ABKHAZIA – Diana Gurtskaya: “Ti Zdes”
A ballad in Russian, not overly dissimilar to her 2008 Eurovision entry. Nothing to get particularly excited about; a repeat of her 11th place finish would be a reasonable achievement. Internally selected, the state is officially part of Georgia and only recognised as an independent nation by five states, but they have won both World and European titles in CONIFA football tournaments.
16. WALES/CYMRU – Shelley-Ann Evans: “Concrete”
Another former Voice star, and perhaps the strongest of all the UK based entrants, but probably not a winner. With shades of Serbia’s 2016 entry “Goodbye”, it was the winner of a national final with five other acts, all of vastly different styles, including 2004 contestant, James Fox.
17. MADEIRA – Vania Fernandes: “Lado Luso”
Portugal’s Eurovision contestant from 2008 – she’s released little since then. Infact, I had to look on her Facebook page to find her song as there was nothing other than her entry on YouTube! Which hardly bodes well; however, her excellent vocal range could make her stand out on the night, even if the song may not. Internally selected.
18. ARTSAKH – Vladimir Arzumanyan: “Ba El Ov”
Fans of Junior Eurovision will remember him – he was the winner in 2007 for Armenia! Suffice to say, 15 years later, he looks a bit different. Known perhaps more widely as Nagorno-Karabakh, the hotly disputed, politically-volatile situation goes a long way to explain the perennial awkwardness between the country he represented, and Azerbaijan – two neighbours not quite as mutually generous as the likes of Greece and Cyprus. As for the song itself, one of his more traditional ballads, may rely primarily on its Eastern counterparts for points. Internally selected.
19. CATALUNYA – Els Amics de les Arts: “No Se Com T’ho Fas”
Though it doesn’t seem likely we’ll be back in Barcelona in a year’s time, credit has to be given where it’s due. Catchy, quirky, bouncy and somewhat different from what the majority of entrants are offering, it’ll at least be appreciated by juries and televoters alike for the fact that it’s likeably irritating, or irritatingly likeable, whichever you prefer. Winner of a national final consisting of four bands; all singing in Catalan. Many singers or other bands – including numerous former Eurovision contestants, hail from the region, but with the political situation being as it is, a song in Spanish would not have been considered appropriate.
20. SAPMI – Lene Marlin: “What if?”
You may remember her 2001 singles “Sitting Down Here” and “Unforgivable Sinner”. Well, she hasn’t quite hit the same heights since then, but she’s still around releasing music. Being a popular figure in the Nordic region may help her cause, but the song itself, though pleasing on the ears, leaves a lot to be desired. A national final but with only one show – unlike the usual multiple semi-finals we are used to from the nations covered under Sapmi’s autonomous territory (Norway, Sweden and Finland, but only the furthest Northern most areas) – she beat off competition from seven others which included Norway’s 2001 entrant, Haldor Laigreid.
21. GIBRALTAR – Breed 77: “Blind”
Death metal isn’t exactly what you associate with a song contest (although that didn’t deter Lordi). But with five former singles in the top 20 UK rock and indie charts, they’ll be confident that their fanbase will help them gain points from other UK states and perhaps the alternative faction of the wider audience. Internally selected, which probably goes without saying on an island with a population of less than 5,000.
22. CHECHNYA – Meseda: “Veryu Ya”
Another Soviet state, it was the subject of much fighting following the break-up of the former Soviet Union – with two wars fought in the mid-late 90’s which sadly claimed many lives. Upbeat and dreamy, but nothing instinctively memorable. Will pick up points from fellow ex-Soviet states, but may struggle elsewhere. Internally selected.
23. LEBANON – IJK: “High Time”
A surprise winner for many ahead of popular bands Meen and Mashrou Leila. May be held back by its similarity to the Welsh entry, which by comparison should be more fancied. London-based Mika, famed for his 2007 smash “Grace Kelly” among other notable singles – and co-host of the 2022 contest in Turin – was approached but chose not to participate, despite a relentless social media campaign by fans of both the man himself, and Lebanese fans of the contest.
24. SARDINIA – Salmo: “Mi Sento Bene”
One of two Mediterranean islands under Italian rule, this RnB-pop hit of the Mahmood variety, with a strong position in the running order (same as fellow Italians Maneskin) means that it will at least be considered an outside favourite. In a memorable national final which could have given San Remo a run for its money, competition from opera singer Bianca Atzei, twice Latvian Eurovision contestant Roberto Meloni, and rap group La Fossa were all seen off.
25. SKANELAND – Dr. Bombay: “Stockholm to Bombay”
No, the character from American 70’s/80’s sitcom Bewitched is not making an appearance. It’s the stage-name (one of many, infact) of Malmo-born singer, Jonny Jakobsen. Vintage schlager of the Waldo’s People and Pirates of the Sea variety, it could be described as one of those entries that could easily sink or swim, depending on the staging – which we have no doubt will be extravagant. A national final was held – a MelFest of sorts, if you like – as the region includes the Southern-most part of Sweden, just with fewer competitors each night; a six-week long campaign eventually seeing him prevail.
If you’d like to hear the songs and watch the final for yourself in full (all videos, no live performances), here is the link on YouTube (as explained, Vania’s song is not able to be included, but should be available by searching on her Facebook page). Sorry I can’t be any more helpful than that. Anyway, here we are:
So, now the most important issue of all: the voting. How would it go? Who would each state vote for? Whilst this is an incredibly complicated question, to which nobody truly knows the answer – and of course I could be totally wrong – I’ve created the votes, as I did in my previous article, Bigger is Better? – published a year ago.
What was my method and theory for determining who would vote for who? Well, as we see every year, numerous factors play a part. It seems likely that the Soviet states will stick together – not simply due to geography or heritage – but also because artists and styles tend to be universally popular among the former Soviet bloc. We may see a similar pattern with the British and Scandinavian states to a lesser extent. My final point of consideration is by researching which countries voted for the entrants who have previously entered in Eurovision – for example, if they were awarded maximum points by Spain, then it seems highly possible that Catalunya would award some points. I’ll admit that it may be of little relevance if the song is vastly different from their Eurovision entry, and possibly a long time ago, but it could be an indicator of the popularity of the performer or their style within the applicable region.
Considering many of the viewers will be from countries or states that are not able to participate, it’s not as simple as to follow the standard split voting procedure utilised from 2016 onwards. Or rather it is, but as they would not merit a standard set of votes on their own, there will need to be an additional set of votes from non-participants to determine the winner.
So, all of the non-participant votes – regardless of location, or whether via text, phone, the app, or online, will be added together and put into order of first to last. They will then be announced in reverse order (2016-18 style) immediately after the jury votes have been completed, with the lowest scoring nation receiving ten points, and the second lowest receiving twenty points. This will then increase by ten points for each position, until the final nation with the most votes who will receive the maximum 250 points. These will be added to the live scoreboard, and after which, the televotes from participating states will be added in reverse order of where they currently stand.
This system guarantees that even the song with the lowest amount of non-participant votes will still finish with a minimum of ten points. It’s not too dissimilar to the various systems used over the years at the Junior Contest (if you know, you know), and some will say a bit too charitable. But at least there won’t be a James Newman this year (even with a guarantee of points on offer, he’d probably still have got none).
The original plan was to utilise the system from 2019 onwards – starting with the jury votes and then adding the televotes in order of where they finished with the juries, but adding the non-participating states’ votes after. However, realising how it would potentially mean that we’d know the winner long before the end of voting, I decided instead that the non-participant votes would be added in between the two.
I realise that not everybody will agree with this system. It has its advantages and disadvantages. Some will argue it will affect the final result needlessly and unfairly – in some cases undermining the votes of the participating states. On the other hand, given the low population of many participating states, having a vote for non-participating states could increase viewing – and ultimately voting, figures significantly – knowing their vote will make a difference.
Before we get started, I’ll make my own predictions. I know it seems a bit daft, as I create the scores, but anyway…
As we know well, juries like the ballads. Particularly those of a powerful, heartfelt nature. This appears to make Dimash from Kazakhstan the favourite to take an early lead. However, over the three sets of votes, the large fanbases of Alsou from Tatarstan and the Sunstroke Project from Transnistria should give them the edge. Sardinia, being of the modern, commercial RnB style that served Mahmood well in Tel Aviv, would make Salmo an outside bet for victory, though more likely a strong top 5 finisher. Appealing more to the niche market would be heavy rockers Breed 77 from Gibraltar, though probably not enough for an overall triumph.
And so, we begin with the juries. Here’s how they voted:
A clear top 3 emerged early on, with fourth-placed Kosovo almost exactly 50 points behind. For a while, they were changing places on a semi-regular basis, but Alsou wins the jury vote with a 23-point lead over Kazakhstan.
1. Tatarstan (156)
2. Kazakhstan (133)
3. Transnistria (123)
4. Kosovo (74)
5. Madeira (67)
6. Wales/Cymru (65)
7. Artsakh (62)
8. Abkhazia (58)
9. Gozo (57)
10. Sardinia (52)
11. Northern Cyprus (52)
12. Yorkshire (52)
13. Gibraltar (47)
14. Faroe Islands (45)
15. Catalunya (44)
16. Northern Ireland (43)
17. Lebanon (42)
18. Skaneland (38)
19. Greenland (38)
20. Cornwall/Kernow (34)
21. Chechnya (33)
22. Liechtenstein (32)
23. Bavaria (32)
24. Isle of Man/Ellan Vannin (27)
25. Sapmi (24)
Little surprise with the top 3 being as they are. Perhaps most interesting is how unpolarised the voting is in general. Even last-placed Lene Marlin from Sapmi was still rewarded with 24 points. Not bad, considering only the participating states’ juries have voted as yet. And please note, the states that are level on points are separated due to having more 12, 10 or 8 points, as appropriate.
Next, we reveal the points given by the non-participants.
In 25th place, with 10 points… Gozo
In 24th place, with 20 points… Faroe Islands
In 23rd place, with 30 points… Skaneland
In 22nd place, with 40 points… Chechnya
In 21st place, with 50 points… Isle of Man/Ellan Vannin
In 20th place, with 60 points… Tatarstan!!!
A collective gasp rings around the arena as it confirms that Alsou will not go into the final round as the leader. It’s a major blow to her title hopes.
In 19th place, with 70 points… Madeira – they are now second.
In 18th place, with 80 points… Abkhazia – and now they are second.
In 17th place, with 90 points… Artsakh – and guess what? Yep, second again.
In 16th place, with 100 points… Liechtenstein
In 15th place, with 110 points… Wales/Cymru – We have a new second-placed state once again, though Shelley knows she will be overtaken, most likely sooner rather than later.
In 14th place, with 120 points… Cornwall/Kernow – Bailey is now third.
In 13th place, with 130 points… Gibraltar – Going second, the top 5 is temporarily occupied by three UK regions
In 12th place, with 140 points… Kazakhstan – We have a new leader, but for how long?
In 11th place, with 150 points… Transnistria – Now in second place, 50 points behind the leaders.
We now move into the top 10 – in 10th place, with 160 points… Greenland – They go fourth.
In 9th place, with 170 points… Catalunya – And now they are fourth, bringing a moderate cheer from the home faithful, knowing the race is still alive, even if their hopes are fading.
In 8th place, with 180 points… Northern Ireland – They are now second.
In 7th place, with 190 points… Sapmi – They are now joint fifth – almost doing a Michal Szpak, having finished bottom of the jury vote.
In 6th place, with 200 points… Bavaria – Another Spzak-type rise up the table – they finished third from bottom with the juries.
And now into the top 5
In 5th place, with 210 points… Lebanon – They are now second.
In 4th place, with 220 points… Yorkshire – And now they are second, only one point behind the leaders!
In 3rd place, with 230 points… Kosovo – They now lead, becoming the first state to cross the 300-point barrier.
In 2nd place, with 240 points…
… Sardinia!!! Not enough, but they will go into the televotes in the Top 5.
Which means, with an additional 250 points, the winner of the non-participant vote is… Northern Cyprus!!!
Without an in-play scoreboard like you have at Eurovision, you don’t have the benefit of being able to work it out for yourself. But dispute winning the non-participant vote, it means they miss out on an overall lead at this juncture, albeit by a miniscule two points!
This is how the table now looks:
1. Kosovo (304)
2. Northern Cyprus (302)
3. Sardinia (292)
4. Kazakhstan (273)
5. Transnistria (273)
6. Yorkshire (272)
7. Lebanon (252)
8. Bavaria (232)
9. Northern Ireland (223)
10. Tatarstan (216)
11. Catalunya (214)
12. Sapmi (214)
13. Greenland (198)
14. Gibraltar (177)
15. Wales/Cymru (175)
16. Cornwall/Kernow (154)
17. Artsakh (152)
18. Abkhazia (138)
19. Madeira (137)
20. Liechtenstein (132)
21. Isle of Man/Ellan Vannin (77)
22. Chechnya (73)
23. Skaneland (68)
24. Gozo (67)
25. Faroe Islands (65)
Kazakhstan are ahead of Transnistria, and Catalunya ahead of Sapmi, despite the two states being level on points in both cases, as jury votes are considered more important than non-participant votes (Kazakhstan and Catalunya both scored higher with their fellow participants).
Finally, we add the televotes from the participating states. Back to 2019-21 style now, starting with the state currently at the bottom of the leaderboard, which is the Faroe Islands. And they receive, from the public… 55 points.
The next state is Gozo. And they receive, from the public… 38 points.
The next state is Skaneland. And they receive, from the public… 46 points.
The next state is Chechnya. And they receive, from the public… 35 points.
The next state is Isle of Man/Ellan Vannin. And they receive, from the public… 45 points.
The next state is Liechtenstein. And they receive, from the public… 33 points.
The next state is Madeira. And they receive, from the public… 32 points.
The next state is Abkhazia. And they receive, from the public… 49 points.
The next state is Artsakh. And they receive, from the public… 43 points.
The next state is Cornwall/Kernow. And they receive, from the public… 28 points.
The next state is Wales/Cymru. And they receive, from the public… 47 points. They move into the top 10 – albeit only just, and are highly unlikely to finish there.
The next state is Gibraltar. And they receive, from the public… 90 points!
The next state is Greenland. And they receive, from the public… 63 points.
The next state is Sapmi. And they receive, from the public… 54 points.
The next state is Catalunya. And they receive, from the public… 18 points.
Unsurprisingly, at this point, a disapproving groan rings around the audience, as they are now guaranteed a mid-table finish. Which isn’t a bad result, but never enough for an expectant home crowd.
Next is Tatarstan. And they receive, from the public… 118 points! The jury vote winners lead once again by 30 points, but are now very unlikely to win.
The next state is Northern Ireland. And they receive, from the public… 56 points. Which means a top 10 finish is now likely for them.
The next state is Bavaria. And they receive, from the public… 41 points.
The next state is Lebanon. And they receive, from the public… 55 points.
The next state is Yorkshire. And they receive, from the public… 26 points.
The camera turns to a shot of Amelia Lily, half-heartedly waving her flag and pretending to be grateful. They are now likely to finish top 10, but no higher.
Next is Transnistria. And they receive, from the public… 129 points! And they now have the lead! They jump up and dance together in celebration.
Next up is Kazakhstan. And they receive, from the public… 87 points! Dimash is now out of contention.
With four states still in the hunt, the camera moves to its standard four-way split screen at this stage.
We continue with Sardinia. And they receive, from the public… 71 points. They are now second.
The next state is Northern Cyprus. And they receive, from the public… 49 points. They’re now guaranteed a top 5 finish, but cannot win.
And so, we are down to our final two states. It’s the moment of truth. Kosovo must score a minimum of 99 points. The camera moves to a split-screen with both contestants. Will they do it? Let’s find out. Kosovo, the public have given you…
….
…. 60 points! Which means they finish second overall, and Transnistria have won!!!
And so here’s how it all finishes:
1. TRANSNISTRIA (402)
2. Kosovo (364)
3. Sardinia (363)
4. Kazakhstan (360)
5. Northern Cyprus (351)
6. Tatarstan (334)
7. Lebanon (307)
8. Yorkshire (298)
9. Northern Ireland (279)
10. Bavaria (273)
11. Sapmi (268)
12. Gibraltar (267)
13. Greenland (260)
14. Catalunya (232)
15. Wales/Cymru (222)
16. Artsakh (195)
17. Abkhazia (187)
18. Cornwall/Kernow (182)
19. Madeira (169)
20. Liechtenstein (165)
21. Isle of Man/Ellan Vannin (122)
22. Faroe Islands (120)
23. Skaneland (114)
24. Chechnya (108)
25. Gozo (105)
For those of you who preferred the previous system from 2016-2018 whereby the results were announced in reverse order of where they finished in the public vote, here we go:
Well, it would have started with a big groan from the local crowd, as the hosts finished last in the televote. Yorkshire and Kernow’s hopes would have evaporated immediately after. Bavaria would have gone joint fifth – level on points with both Kazakhstan and Transnistria. Northern Cyprus’ hopes would have been dashed at the halfway stage – finishing only 13th in the televote. Lebanon would have gone second, albeit very temporarily. Non-participant vote winners Kosovo would have seen their chances all but faded with six states left to go. Kazakhstan’s 87 points are not enough to give them the lead – they go 4 points behind first and only 3 behind second. And with 118 points, it’s – pause for about 15 seconds – Tatarstan! Knowing that Transnistria will gain the required 90 points minimum to win the contest overall, it’s game over. Still exciting, but I’m grateful for the system being amended in 2019, as it worked a lot better.
Here’s the final scores from the televoters:
1. Transnistria (129)
2. Tatarstan (118)
3. Gibraltar (90)
4. Kazakhstan (87)
5. Sardinia (71)
6. Greenland (63)
7. Kosovo (60)
8. Northern Ireland (56)
9. Faroe Islands (55)
10. Lebanon (55)
11. Sapmi (54)
12. Abkhazia (49)
13. Northern Cyprus (49)
14. Wales/Cymru (47)
15. Skaneland (46)
16. Isle of Man/Ellan Vannin (45)
17. Artsakh (43)
18. Bavaria (41)
19. Gozo (38)
20. Chechnya (35)
21. Liechtenstein (33)
22. Madeira (32)
23. Cornwall/Kernow (28)
24. Yorkshire (26)
25. Catalunya (18)
States level on points are now separated by traditional Eurovision style once again, as explained in the first instance.
And now, here’s how it would have finished with only participants voting. Spoiler alert: we have a different winner, but only just…
1. Tatarstan (274)
2. Transnistria (252)
3. Kazakhstan (220)
4. Gibraltar (137)
5. Kosovo (134)
6. Sardinia (123)
7. Wales/Cymru (112)
8. Abkhazia (107)
9. Artsakh (105)
10. Northern Cyprus (101)
11. Greenland (101)
12. Madeira (99)
13. Northern Ireland (99)
14. Lebanon (97)
15. Gozo (95)
16. Faroe Islands (84)
17. Skaneland (84)
18. Sapmi (78)
19. Yorkshire (78)
20. Bavaria (73)
21. Isle of Man/Isle of Man (72)
22. Chechnya (68)
23. Liechtenstein (65)
24. Cornwall/Kernow (62)
25. Catalunya (62)
You may have noticed a slightly more alternative theme to this contest – songs of a generic pop nature, or “schlager” as it’s more commonly known – are in somewhat less of an abundance than in most Eurovision finals. Would this be the case if a contest of this nature were to happen in real life? Perhaps not, although the reality of most participating states having considerably smaller populations – and thus fewer artists to choose from – means that beggars can’t be choosers.
Would it attract many viewers across the continent, or perhaps even the wider world? Would it merit a live final in an arena, or even a studio? Realistically, it seems more likely to be an online only event, to begin with at least. Perhaps a sell-out crowd of 17,000 people in Barcelona’s largest arena is wishful thinking. Would most of the competing states have a national/state final? And it would it feature some former Eurovision contestants (including the Junior Contest)? Willingness to compete or support is not likely to be the main issue, but finances – or lack thereof – may be. And of course, small populations should lead to low viewing figures – but then try telling Malta that.
And before you ask, yes I will definitely be doing another one. Some of the states have enough artists to fill ten contests – let alone two! Some others, by stark contrast, may have to send the same entrant again, or withdraw altogether. Although this does create opportunities for new states to participate in the future. I had doubted at one point that I’d be able to find enough eligible states, let alone artists (Tom Jones, Van Morrison and the Arctic Monkeys all declined my invitations), so the contest itself was a huge success for me personally. Even if it wasn’t real.
I do hope, however, that this can – and will – become a real contest one day in the future. It’s a dream and (euro)vision I have, just like, as I previously mentioned, CONIFA once was. I’ve even contemplated a crowd-finding campaign via IndieGogo or KickStarter, but that’s a long way off. What do you think? Would it gain the support it requires to even get off the ground, let alone stay the distance?
Hope and expectation are different things, of course, but let me know what you think in the comments. I’ve always had the attitude towards life that when there’s a will, there’s a way.
