Eurovision is for everyone. Well, I say that; it might be for everyone, but that doesn’t mean it works well for everyone. In particular, some artists that achieved great things in the UK charts and beyond, didn’t quite get the results that they, or the nations they represented, would have wanted.
Admittedly, the term ‘flop’ is somewhat contentious. You may find yourself disagreeing with some or all of my choices, and that’s fine, of course. It’s also not a very nice term to use, but if I just left it at that, then I wouldn’t be able to do much with this article, would I now?
So, here are the artists who, in my best judgement, failed to live up to the expectations that they may have had due to their already existing, mainstream fanbases, or the success they’d had with previous singles. Admittedly, some of them would be best described as one-hit wonders – giving them, of course, no divine right whatsoever to be successful in a contest where the song is always likely to be judged higher than the name of the person performing them. I had actually considered naming this article “20 artists you never knew did Eurovision”, but that’d sound suspiciously like a BuzzFeed rip-off, which is something I’d be anxious to avoid. Plus it would have taken the article in a somewhat different direction. Anyway, here goes.
Olly Alexander (UK 2024)
We’ll start with the obvious elephant in the room – the UK’s most recent Eurovision contestant (at the time of writing). Announced much earlier than usual (as the artist; the song waited another two and a half months), a singer whose vocal ability and performing experience was unquestionable. What was questionable, however, was the choice of song. Any ideas that his fame and fortune as the frontman of Years and Years – scoring a 2015 UK #1 with “King” and gold-selling albums to their name – would guarantee him any extra points were quickly dispelled when the song – seemingly a remix of “It’s a Sin” with a dash of “Deeper Shade of Blue” by Steps thrown in – was unveiled. Scoring only 46 points (and here comes the elephant – zero from the public), an 18th place finish overall unfortunately means that, whilst his passion for the contest was admirable, even some exceptional staging couldn’t satisfy the televoters, and save him from a somewhat disappointing start to his solo career.
Engelbert Humperdinck (UK 2012)
He may have sold more records and tickets than most likely all of his competitors combined ever will, but a ballad that can only be described as dreary, dull and forgettable, was never going to be strong enough to open the show and still expect to gain a large haul of points. At the ripe old age of 76 – he held the record of oldest competitor in the contest’s history for approximately 20 minutes until Buranovskiye Babushki – more popularly known as the Russian Grannies, came on stage. Let’s face it; you can’t polish a turd – and only Tooji from Norway finished below him in the final rankings. Still, he at least showed much greater strength and conviction than fellow star of yesteryear, Bonnie Tyler, the following year. She narrowly escapes this list due to gaining a respectable, if largely unspectacular, lower midtable finish, but at least Mr. Dorsey (or Gerry – Engelbert’s real name), put in a performance that demonstrated he wanted to be in Baku, unlike Bonnie, who appeared very much that she would have much rather been in one of the city’s very expensive wine bars, than the Arena in Malmo.
Sir Cliff Richard (UK 1969/1973)
I know what you’re thinking: “but he finished second – that’s hardly a failure?!”. Well, that’s the thing – it kind of is; his song “Congratulations” finishing a point behind surprise winners Spain. A song with a chorus containing a grand total of, erm, one different word, which isn’t really a word at all. Repeat after me, everyone – try and keep up, it’s a bit awkward; it goes “la la la la, la la la, la la la”. I mean, whatever next, a victory anthem called “We are the Champions” by Queen only making #2 in the UK charts? Sorry, what’s that? It did? Oh.
His next attempt, “Power to All Our Friends” four years later, finished third, and his backing band, the Shadows – having parted ways with him seven years’ prior – finished second in 1975 – 14 points behind “Ding-a-Dong” from the Netherlands. Non-word song titles appear to be the kryptonite for Sir Cliff, or anyone who has performed with him. Incredible to think that a man who has achieved so much – not just in the UK but across the world – so much, infact, that in 1995 he received a knighthood for his services to music, could not win a European popular music contest. Honourable mentions should perhaps also go to Olivia Newton-John – only finishing fourth in 1974 (though she was up against a double husband and wife team from Sweden who nobody has heard from since), and also suffering the bitter-sweet agony of second place during the 60’s was Matt Monro – with a string of singles and albums all making the charts in Australia, the USA and the UK, and name-checked by Frank Sinatra no less – for his vocal ability. Such talent still couldn’t see him past 16-year-old Gigliola Cinquetti, as she recorded Italy’s first victory. Interestingly, he recovered an English-language cover of competitor Udo Jurgens’ song – who would of course win two years later – but finished sixth for Austria that year.
Ella Eyre (Germany 2015)
This one might surprise you, but she did actually write the first German entry to score zero. With more than 30 singles as a soloist, featured artist, or as a song-writer, writing a song which would go down a storm with European audiences shouldn’t have been too big a challenge, but as many others have found to their chagrin, mainstream chart success does not always translate into Eurovision points. It may have been particularly galling as only three years prior, fellow UK singer/song-writer Jamie Cullum co-wrote Roman Lob’s “Standing Still” which had finished a respectable 8th for Germany.
Cascada (Germany 2013)
Staying in Germany and the mid-2010’s for the moment, they turned to one of their most consistently successful groups over the previous decade the year after Roman. Again, this success did not translate into the Eurovision environment. But then, as most of Cascada’s biggest hits were covers, and their entry “Glorious” was basically a remix of Loreen’s winning song from the previous year, it’s not hard to see why it picked up only 18 points, and finished sixth from bottom.
Scooch (UK 2007)
Can they be considered a big enough act to be even anywhere near this list? Well, it’s highly questionable. Many would remember them as the great pretenders to a raft of sugary-sweet, toddler-friendly, cross-gender pop groups of the early 00’s, the most notable being S Club 7 and Steps. Many wouldn’t remember them at all. But after already scoring a top 5 single with ”More than I Needed to Know” – and followed it up with two more top 20 singles, the next logical step after a six-year break is, well, Eurovision, obviously. Though they only gained 19 points – all somewhat late in the show, and both from countries with a large British connection under a mostly televoting only system, they did gain another number 5 hit in the UK chart. More importantly, it also became a holiday club children’s classic – which I know after a brief, largely unsuccessful stint as a stripy-coat at a park in Cornwall. Anyone else think the BBC should have just covered up their mistake and gone with Cyndi instead? The air steward/-ess outfits and “would you like some bucks fizz?” references remain one of the most enduring memories in Blighty’s Eurovision history.
Nicki French (UK 2000)
A firm favourite – an icon, perhaps – within LGBT and Pride Event circles, scoring a top 5 UK single with her version of future Eurovision disappointment Bonnie Tyler’s (as described earlier) 80’s classic “Total Eclipse of the Heart” in 1995 – I feel cruel saying this as she was nothing but polite and friendly when I met her at Weston-super-Mare Pride (which was literally next door to where I live!), but unfortunately the name of her song “Don’t Play that Song Again” – languishing in 16th place (a record low at the time – how things have changed), pretty much tells you all you need to know.
Similarly, R&B diva Javine, five years later, with four top 20 hits over the previous two years – including “Real Things” which peaked at number 4 – seemed like a safe bet to drag the UK away from the Jemini-esque results of recent years, but performing in the seemingly cursed second position in the running order was never likely to bear fruit, which she found out the hard way – finishing third from bottom with 18 points. Number 18 was also its chart position, incidentally. Though, considering her nearest competitor in the Eurovision: Making Your Mind Up show was Katy Price (AKA Jordan) – probably the less said about her, the better – suffice to say, it could have been a lot worse.
Nana Mouskouri (Luxembourg 1963)
One of many international artists to have represented Luxembourg, she also had a 5-year career in politics – representing her home nation of Greece as a Member of European Parliament in the mid-late-00’s – but she represented an altogether different nation in Eurovision. Having recorded over 65 albums, reaching number 2 in the UK with “Only Love” in 1986 as well as numerous Lifetime Achievement Awards, she slumped to a somewhat disappointing midtable finish in London.
Whilst we’re on the subject of Luxembourg, they were represented by Belgium’s Roger Francois Jouret – AKA Plastic Bertrand, whom readers of a certain age will recall, with his 1977 worldwide hit “Ca Plane Pour Moi” (which sounds like it could be a Belgian Eurovision entry). His comeback, nearly a decade later, offered no such repeat of that success – finishing just one place above last and scoring only four points.
Nicky Byrne (Ireland 2016)
He may have been one fifth of Ireland’s most successful musical exports – who currently lie joint third in the record for UK #1 singles (14 in total), but as we all know, that counts for little in the Eurovision environment. At least it didn’t in Stockholm. His rather non-descript entry “Sunlight” scored only 46 points in its semi-final and finished 15th out of 18 entries. Probably best just stick to reading out Ireland’s points? Failing that, I’ve heard the Northside Social Club are running try-outs for their Sunday League Team? 5’10” is a tad short for a goal-keeper, mind.
Flo Rida (San Marino 2021)
Appearing alongside Eritrean/Italian singer Senhit – in what should have been her third attempt at the contest – he became the second American to co-represent the micro-state after Jimmie Wilson appeared alongside local songstress Valentina Monetta, four years earlier. In all fairness, when your population is comparable to Accrington and St. Neot’s, you can be forgiven for searching far and wide (sometimes bizarrely) for your contestants. There was a question mark as to whether he’d appear on stage; travelling across the Atlantic during a Global Pandemic was never going to be straight-forward. In the event, Senhit atoned for her failure to make the final in Dusseldorf exactly a decade earlier, and he did appear on stage – making an entrance to rapturous applause during the middle 8 – a late cameo appearance of sorts by a celebrity, and whilst it was a fitting end to a show taking place where most of the continent was still under some kind of restrictions, it did little to impress the Eurovision audiences – with the public giving them only 13 points. In my personal opinion, whilst it was great for the contest (and San Marino in particular), his poor result was justice being served for recording one of the most irritating songs ever in “Low” – and one of my most traumatic memories of nights out during my University days.
Finland, 2018-2022
In recent years, Finland have made a habit of sending their biggest names to the contest. Saara Aalto, having finished second in the Voice of Finland in 2012 – and then again in the UK x-factor in 2016 – she obviously hadn’t endured enough near misses at this point, so she entered Eurovision and would finish… yes, you’ve guessed it, second….
… from bottom.
“Monsters” – the clear favourite with both juries and public out of 3 new songs penned especially for the contest, did at least bring her country their first final appearance in four years. It’s fair to say she’d make some stiff competition with Sam Ryder for the most number twos (she’d probably still come second).
The following year, DJ and producer Darude (the rude, in chav speak) – who had hits in the early 00’s with “Sandstorm” and “Feel the Beat”, teamed up with singer Sebastian Rejman. Once again, they would fail to make the final.
Arguably their biggest under-achievers, however, came three years later. After Blind Channel, the previous year, had quit their day job as a Linkin Park tribute band (only joking, although they probably are) and gained their county’s best result since Lordi, the Rasmus – best known for their international hit “In the Shadows” from 2004 – would have been forgiven for thinking that this was the time to cash in, particularly given the link between Finnish bands and success at Eurovision. They may have been mistaken, as their song “Jezebel” (are they allowed to use that word on TV?) went down like, um, a led balloon. A big yellow one, to be precise; scoring only 14 points from the juries and a slightly more respectable 26 from the public.
Lastly, we should probably name-drop Nightwish. Having recently released their tenth album –producing hit singles in several countries across Europe and beyond, they may have been in their relative infancy in 2000 – when they entered Euroviisut with “Sleep-walker” but they’d still have been disappointed to have only finished third, with Nina Astrom progressing to the contest with her pleasant but forgettable ballad.
2006
Ey? But that’s a year, not an artist? Well, yes, and it was hardly a stellar year for classic entries – although Lordi’s victory for a previously derided Finland (finishing last on 11 occasions and scoring the dreaded nul points three times) was arguably a watershed moment – but if one-hit wonders from novelty acts are your cuppa (they probably aren’t), then look no further. Arsenium from Moldova – achieving a hit across the continent with the insanely irritating Dragostea din Tei 2 years prior as part of boyband O-Zone, didn’t quite enjoy the same success when teaming up with Natalia and Connect-R – finishing 20th in a final they’d pre-qualified for, with only 22 points. And sorry to continue torturing you with horrendous early-/mid-00’s flashbacks, but it didn’t prove an overly successful combination for Spain either. Guaranteed a place in the final due to their big 5 (4 at the time) status, that’s about as good as it got for Las Ketchup – with that infernal dance accompanied by lyrics even Spanish speakers probably didn’t understand – finishing third from bottom with 28 points. Oh well, at least their ketchup is duty free. And let’s not forget dear old Daz Sampson – who previously found chart success as a member of Bus Stop, and more recently with Uniting Nations – who claimed he didn’t want to be remembered for finishing 17th or something – got his way. He finished 19th. Though with the naff, daft and juvenile “Teenage Life”, he perhaps should have been grateful for the 25 points he received. Lastly, hailing from Germany but entering for Poland, the Real McCoy – who formed a partnership with MC Sar for their mid-90’s dance classics “Another Night” and “Run Away” and contributing Darth Vader inspired rap solos, narrowly missed out on a place in the final, falling only one place and six points behind Ninanajna.
National Finalists
Turning our attention now to artists who entered in National Finals – you wouldn’t believe how many there are – and some of them, in particular, will surprise you. Not quite so surprising is that the bulk of them were provided by the UK. Going back nearly 50 years – to 1976 in which Tony Christie of “…Amarillo” fame – re-released in 2005 for Comic Relief with Peter Kay and a host of celebrity cameos, and then again a year later with amended lyrics for the FIFA World Cup in Germany. Being up against Brotherhood of Mann, most British fans would probably agree that it’s best he didn’t win. Two years later, Labi Siffre – who brought us such wonders as “It Must be Love” (covered a decade later by Madness) and his anti-apartheid anthem “Something Inside So Strong” – could only finish fifth with his song “Solid Love”.
Also missing out to Brotherhood of Mann in 1976, Hazel Dean returned in 1984 but her entry “Stay in My Life” would languish well below eventual winners Belle & the Devotions. Also missing out the same year was fellow 80’s diva Sinitta with “Imagination”. It’s fair to say that, whilst neither could reasonably be considered flops as they were both relatively unknown at the time, both of their disappointments helped gain them the platforms to kick-start their careers. Still not had enough of 80’s divas? Samantha Fox, who is also a former glamour model, could only finish fifth behind Deuce and Love City Groove, when returning to the fore (or at least attempting to) in 1995.
Groups are also well-represented in this list: perhaps the biggest flops, given their popularity, was the Foundations – who enjoyed chart-topping success in the UK and beyond with a string of hits including “Now that I’ve Found You” and “Build Me Up, Buttercup” – finishing third behind Lynsey and Mike in 1977. Londonbeat, having scored numerous chart hits in the UK and beyond during the previous few years, and Deuce – mentioned above, who’d only recently enjoyed success with “Call it Love” – join the list of artists almost inexplicably (and outrageously, in my opinion) who were beaten by the self-titled Love City Groove.
By far the best (or worst, as it were) decade for members of washed-up pop groups was the 00’s. To name but a few, members of Atomic Kitten, Blue (who would be more successful as the UK’s first internally selected entrants four years later), Cutting Crew, East 17, Eternal, Hearsay, Ultimate Kaos, and perhaps most alarmingly, Justin Hawkins from the Darkness – with whom less than three years prior had been filling arenas and topping the album charts.
You’d be even more surprised at some of the names to have entered in Germany. Perhaps the most notable are American 80’s girl band, the Weather Girls – famous for their LGBT club smash (whoops, I mean international hit) “It’s Raining Men”. Perhaps even more bizarrely – and this was news even to me until some recent research – was the Baseballs, who specialise in Elvis-does-Rockabilly covers of pop hits such as “Hot ‘n’ Cold”, “Umbrella” and “Call Me Maybe”. They entered in 2014 with “Mo Hotta Mo Betta”, and although they obviously couldn’t enter one of their cover versions, they’d probably have done better than to send a song with a seemingly non-sensical title, and unsurprisingly, were eliminated in the first round.
Slightly more plausible now – 2004 saw Scooter, with a string of hits in the 90’s and 00’s – their cover of Supertramp’s “The Logical Song” being arguably their most notable – qualifying from the first round before being beaten in the final by Max. DJ WestBam, a good friend of Scooter’s, fared even worse in the same year – he was eliminated in the first round.
Sweden (with their world-renowned pre-selection programme, known since the millennium as Melodi-Festivalen, or more commonly as MelFest) have seen many one-hit wonders fail to gain a second bite at the cherry – some with multiple attempts – the record belonging to Andreas Johnson, made famous by his international hit “Glorious”, #3 in Italy and #4 in the UK, which was also the themetune for the English Premier League’s Monday Night Football highlights on Sky Sports for the 1999-2000 season. Unsuccessful four years in a row between 2005-2008, then taking a year off before returning in 2010, and trying/failing once more in 2015 (though I doubt many Swedes will be disappointed that he failed to beat Mans Zelmerlow’s “Heroes”).
Shortly behind him, with five failed attempts, are Alcazar – best known for their hit “Crying at the Discotheque”; a reworking of Sheila & B.Devotion’s 1979 hit “Spacer”. Although they did finally get to make their Eurovision debut – albeit as an interval act – in Malmo earlier this year. Dance acts from the 90’s who you may remember include Dr. Alban – who achieved international success with “It’s My Life” in the early 90’s; knocked out in the first round in 2014, E-Type – who produced the official anthem for the Euro 2000 football championship; finished fifth in the 2004 final and was eliminated in the Second Chance show four years later, and Rednex, who’s international smash “Cotton Eyed Joe” was not followed by further success in 2006 – progressing through the Second Chance show before finishing sixth in the final, where he was defeated by 1991 champion, Carola Haggqvist.
It’s also worth name-dropping Baccara – who finished fourth in 1977 for Luxembourg – only a few months after finding international success with ‘Yes Sir, I Can Boogie’ (they’re actually Spanish, though appear to have entered for every nation apart from their own). They’ll probably wished they hadn’t bothered; long since forgotten nearly 30 years later, their song “Soy tu Venus” finished 7th out of 8 in its heat with just over ten thousand votes from the public. Katrina (yes, her of the Waves fame) couldn’t quite find the same success as she did for the UK eight years prior – “As if Tomorrow Will Never Come” progressed to the Second Chance show, where it finished 6th out of 8 entries.
Elsewhere in Scandinavia, two artists who had #1 singles in the UK and beyond – Whigfield, whose 1994 smash “Saturday Night” was famed both for the song and the dance routine, entered Melodi Dansk Grand Prix in 2018 under her birth name of Sannie (the name Whigfield was actually after one of her childhood teachers) – perhaps hoping nobody would remember? It didn’t work for her, as she was eliminated in the first round.
And in Norway’s MGP, 90’s/00’s British boyband A1 – one of whom is Norwegian – finished second behind Didrik Solli-Tangen and missed out on the chance to defend their crown on home soil after Alexander Rybak had brought it home the previous year. Christian, as a solo artist (yes, he’s the Norwegian one), has entered his songs on ten occasions (only two of which he performed himself; one of them as part of A1 as detailed above) – and one of which was for Finland – finishing an agonising second in 2017 behind Norma and John’s “Blackbird”. And if that isn’t enough bad luck for one man, he also wrote their would-be 2020 entry “Attention” for Ulrikke. Perhaps it just isn’t meant to be for him? Or maybe he should do what bandmate Ben Adams did – which is go Incognito, as one of the yellow-masked wolf-like creatures from Subwoolfer (though he kept his identity secret until after the contest).
Not an artist now, but a song – do you remember the pan-Europe latino-schlager classic “Yo Quiero Bailar” by Sonia & Selena? No, not the “Poe Poe Poe Poe” ladies – that was Teya and Salena. #1 in the Spanish radio charts, and was also a huge hit throughout the Latin world. Surely, then, progressing from the Spanish National Final in 2001 would have been a doddle, right? Nope, finishing only ninth, as David Civera emerged victorious. Also, and much more famously, I think there was an Italian entry sometime in the early 60’s which, despite not winning the contest, did surprisingly well across the world when covered by Dean Martin or someone? I think it was called Valerie, or possibly Villareal, or something? Someone help me here…
Saving the best until last, obviously; we’d be remiss not to name-drop Cheltenham’s finest, Kitty Brucknell. Following her x-factor ventures in 2011, she would score a #1 single (as part of the x-factor finalists’ collaboration, but let that take nothing away from her). She may have been rejected by Switzerland for the 2015 pre-selections, but had better luck when applying to Moldova – albeit with a different song. Along with the Sunstroke Project (yes, that’s the band with the epic sax guy), she lost out to Eduard Romanyuta, although Kitty only made it as far as the semi-final stage. She now lives in Los Angeles. Gets about a bit, doesn’t she? But then, being from Cheltenham, you can’t really blame her.
Well, I think that’s all I can think of. If you’ve made it this far, I thank and commend you. If, however, there’s any I may have forgotten, or if you’d just like to express your thoughts on my article, or any of the artists, or you’d just like to tell me how wonderful I am (it does get boring after a while, mind) then please do let me know in the comments. As always, please like and follow my page – and maybe share on your socials if you think it’s that great, and I look forward to berating you with my thoughts, as well as a lot of barely-relevant Eurovision related statistics, in the not-too-distant future. Ciao for now, Eurofans.
