Sorry, was that a typo? I hear you ask. Or have you amended your blog name to a different play-on-words? No. Neither of the above.
Well, WTF are you on about, then? To explain, I’m referring to AI – the recently-exploded phenomenon, which stands for Artificial Intelligence.
Sorry, I still don’t have a clue what you’re on about, can you explain any further? So, one day in July last year, I wake up to a Facebook message from my best friend, whom I was in a band with for seven years (he was Brian May, I was Freddie Mercury).
We have a history of writing songs together – we did a mixture of covers and originals at our gigs – but this was something new altogether. It was a song entitled “The Ballad of Mr. Underhay” (ballad was probably not the best word to use, as it sounded more like Pendulum doing a cover of “The Code”).
Nonetheless, my next question was. Wow, man, this is brilliant! Did you just write and record this? He responded: “haha, no, mate; it’s AI generated. There’s this website called Suno where you can enter some keywords and it’ll create a song for you”.
I immediately wanted to know more. Over the last year, he has sent me numerous songs – mostly describing his friends and family, football songs about England or his beloved Tottenham Hotspur, or just your bog-standard British male toilet humour (hehe, bog, geddit?).
Eventually, it clicked, and I had an idea. I could actually use this website to my advantage to create some songs of my own. Because UK copyright laws forbid any of the AI-generated songs to be used for any financial purposes (although they can be freely posted and shared online), I may as well just create a load of songs that won’t make any money. Or a load of Eurovision entries, which is basically the same thing.
So, how would I go about the process of generating these songs? Completely at random? Well, yes and no. The “randomness” was what made it so special, but there was still a hell of a lot of research I had to do before being able to create the songs themselves.
So, starting from scratch, I made a list of all 38 nations set to participate in the 2025 contest in Basel (none of us knew what would happen in Moldova when I started this project). I then made a list of their five most recent entries (except for Luxembourg, as it’s been too long since their most recent entry – prior to last year, obviously – to have been valid in this instance). Once I had a comprehensive list of the genres of music that had been used by the participating nations in recent years, I was then able to work out the averages and percentages.
I looked at the various factors that needed to be determined, and made a list for each nation of their last five entries. These factors included:
* How many nations sung in English, their own language, or are San Marino?
* How many returning entrants were likely to enter?
* What would be the likely ratio of male to female singers?
* What different styles/genres were entered, and which/how many of each?
The last one was particularly difficult. I had to describe each nation’s last five songs using a maximum of 2/3 keywords (for example: pop/rap/techno for “The Code”).
I managed to calculate from this research that there would be roughly 12 songs considered ‘pop’ or ‘schlager’ (vague terms even at the best of times, I know), 9 songs by bands, and 15 which would be labelled as ballads. I further specified how many of the songs were more along the lines of schlager or just generic pop, and which would be considered more along the lines of EDM.
The ballads also needed to be specified, so I categorised them further by labelling them as ‘dark’ (3 – think “Tout l’Univers”) ‘sweet’ (8 – think “Growing up is Getting Old”), or ‘traditional’ (so basically anything from Portugal, or one of the ex-Yugoslav states).
For the band entries, it was even more complicated; being a rock-band man myself, styles vary greatly in a sector which is extremely genre-specific. I had to use another random draw to determine which styles would be used and which wouldn’t. Country/Americana was the unlucky one that missed out; leaving room for BritPop, electro, grunge, indie, heavy metal and punk entries.
I chose not to go with acoustic in the end; on the assumption that a few of the ballads would be acoustic guitar-based in any case (I wasn’t wrong). I also made space for a couple of ‘cheese’ entries – so songs that were never designed meant to be taken seriously (yes, they don’t help the contest’s image a great deal, but I can’t help but admire the acts that don’t).
So, the most recent examples would be Puulup and Mama SC (albeit those songs had a serious message behind them). Going back slightly further, perhaps a better example would be Moj Slavie. There was also room for a couple of RnB/Hip-Hop entries, but opera missed out in the random draw.
To make things easier, I put all of the countries in a list by alphabetical order. So, drawing out #1 would be Albania and #38 would be the UK. This meant I could immediately draw – via the random number generator website – which countries would be sending what types of songs.
I still had to determine which countries would be singing in English, their own language, and it was just easiest to say San Marino will sing in French this time; it would hardly be unrealistic. There’s always one. And it’s usually San Marino.
For determining which countries would have male and female singers (I tried to specify for each one, but Suno doesn’t always give you what you want). It was easiest to go 50/50 – or 19/19 in this instance – and draw out a number for each nation. So, starting with #1 (Albania), an odd number meant they’d have a male vocalist, and an even number would mean a female vocalist.
The only thing left to determine now is the performers for each entry. The easiest way of doing this was judging by the vocals and style upon hearing what Suno had created for me. I found that, on average, around 5-6 entrants in each of the last few contests have previously participated.
Then, doing some more research (well, rather a lot actually, although some were a lot quicker to determine than others), I looked back through previous National Finals, as well as recent x-factor/Voice participants from around the continent. In some cases – Finland, Poland and Lithuania being the first examples that spring to mind, I had to rely on good old Google in searching for suitably-sounding bands of a similar style.
So, now all 38 entries and performers are confirmed, I can tell you all a little bit about them, and their chances of success in Basel:
ALBANIA – Flori Mumajesi: “Me Mbaj” (Carry Me)
https://suno.com/song/504e6806-8ca8-445f-a0ac-ebfe5e785d9a
Way back in 2000 – four years before his nation began to enter the contest – he competed in Festivali I Kenges, and then lesser-known domestic song contest Kenga Magjike the following year; both times as part of boy-group the Dreams, with whom he initially found fame domestically. Still not bored by this point, he competed as a solo singer in Kenga Magjike once again a year later. Me Mbaj (which translates as “Carry Me” – it took me longer than it should have to notice the comparison to their 2009 entry), is a quintessential Albanian ballad, but it may not stand out enough to make any significant waves, or even reach the Final.
ARMENIA – DerHova & Vladimir Arzumanyan: “Gone in a Flash”
https://suno.com/song/54f4b382-8bd2-4b28-85e9-0c8ef3144446
Having won Armenia the first of their two Junior Eurovision titles to date, perhaps it’s surprising that they still haven’t selected him to enter into the adult contest as yet? Better still, Canadian DJ Harout Arthur Der-Hovagimian – who also has Syrian heritage, and now resides in Yerevan – was Vladimir’s partner-in-crime, providing their winning combination in 2010. This EDM entry may not be expected to end their wait for glory at senior level, but should at least continue their qualification streak post-Snap.
AUSTRALIA – Voyager ft. Danni Minogue: “Lights”
https://suno.com/song/81342665-281f-4f5d-a254-ddcf3dd7940e
Having been rumoured as a potential candidate for most of the past decade since her nation’s debut (we heard her sister was invited to duet, but turned it down, I wonder why?) – she finally bit the bullet to team up with the electro-rock band, who return only two years after achieving a top ten finish in Liverpool. A song that compliments both artists’ respective styles very well, it should achieve a similar result in Basel, with the juries, as always, being vastly more generous.
AUSTRIA – Laura Kamhuber: “Put Out Your Fire”
https://suno.com/song/4fd65488-2003-474b-80de-cc1db73e61ee
First appearing on the German edition of the Voice Kids as a 13-year-old, her phenomenal rendition of Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” broke the record for the most watched musical video by an Austrian performer on YouTube. Now twice that age, she won’t be expecting to reach any similar heights with this entry; an endearing ballad which is unlikely to improve significantly on Kaleen’s result the previous year.
AZERBAIJAN – Eldar Qasimov: “En Dagri” (The Deepest Pain)
https://suno.com/song/715ee8aa-fa10-4403-855f-e46791dba171
When typing in “a ballad in Azeri called The Deepest Pain”, I did wonder if I’d finally crossed the threshold into asking that little bit too much. Low and behold, Suno did not disappoint. Incredible though this may be, singing in their native language has not proved a recipe for success in recent years, and despite Eldar being one half of the Ell and Nikki team that stunned the world in 2011, it’s not likely that Europe will be running scared once again, with their non-qualification streak looking likely to continue.
BELGIUM – Tamino & Julia Boschmann: “I Don’t Have the Answer”
https://suno.com/song/4e7f54b3-b401-4928-af94-a198cf7d8a58
With shades of Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran on stage (despite only having male vocals on the track), Tamino – grandson of Egyptian singer and actor Muharram Fouad – is joined by Julia Boschmann, recently recruited by Flemish girl group, K3. Undoubtedly it will be labelled as jury fodder by some fans, but if their on-stage connection and chemistry works well, the audiences at home may well respond, too.
CROATIA – Elis Lovric: “Uz Obalu” (Along the Coast)
https://suno.com/song/16631f05-c16e-4ef5-bc92-4652b7ec38ec
Following last year’s heartbreaking near-miss, they’ve decided to go down a different route. Gone are flashy male bands or groups, and in their place, an acoustic ballad by a female singer; namely Elis Lovric, for whom her 13th place finish in the 2020 edition of Dora was probably a blessing in disguise. More of a jury friendly song, though she will be expected to score steadily with the public as well, although no repeat of last year’s unprecedented heights.
CYPRUS – Theo Evan & Sofia Patsalides: “Show You the Door”
https://suno.com/song/884ef702-32fd-4921-a1bd-c198e5b4c142
The only real-life contestant to be known at the time I started this project, it would have saved me a job if Suno hadn’t given me a joint male-female vocal (unlike the ones I actually asked it to; a recurring problem) – so he was joined by Sofia Patsalides – their 2014 JESC contestant. A borderline qualifier, and a significant step down from the quality they’ve given us in recent years.
CZECHIA – Toxique: “Alexandria”
https://suno.com/song/a19141c7-eb60-4eeb-8d8a-e0e5cec71f11
Having won the Czech National Final at the second time of asking (they had entered previously with “Two Sides” in 2008), the 5-piece stormed to victory with a near-perfect televote score. Unsurprising, as the original lyrics were in direct and unambiguous praise of everyone’s favourite technological assistant, Alexa (hello, this is Siri – I’d like to make a formal complaint), along with, yes, you’ve guessed it, a giant Alexa on stage. Domestic enthusiasm quickly became worldwide enthusiasm, but despite being a social media sensation, the EBU put their foot down – the obvious rationale being that it contradicted their rules which prohibit directly referencing a specific product. The lyrics subsequently having to change to refer instead to the Egyptian city of a similarly-sounding name – and no longer having the same impact – the early momentum with the bookies now appears to have swung away from them. But have the EBU inadvertently done them a favour by generating additional publicity with the debate raging online?
DENMARK – PULS & Whigfield: “Feel Your Power”
https://suno.com/song/8d1a05dd-1f86-4242-8ff0-cf5f01921e10
You’ll recognise both – if not at least one – of these names. Sannie – having lost out to Rasmussen in 2018 – proving successful at the second attempt – on this occasion opting to perform under her stage-name by which she’s much better known. PULS – one half of which, Micky Skeel-Hansen, was a third-placed super-finalist in DMGP 2023 – are a dance-pop duo who had a string of chart successes in their homeland between 2010-2013. With both having years of experience and hits behind them, it seems somewhat under-whelming that this is the best they could come up with. As predictable and forgettable an EDM entry as you’re likely to hear, they’ll need to come up with some rather special staging if they want to be still involved on Saturday night (hehe, see what I did there?).
ESTONIA – Grete & Ollie: “Caffeine Rush”
https://suno.com/song/f2ae2157-7b86-4dee-b9e3-66581de5ee89
Just to clear things up – I started this project in November; before the National Final entries had been announced for the real contest. I honestly had no idea how terrifyingly similar it would be to their actual entry! Imagine my shock when the news came in on February 15th! Ollie Mazurtsak and Grete Paia were both able to put their previous near-misses to rest; Ollie – who’s Dad was the on-stage drummer for his nation’s entries in 1998 and 2002 – making it third time lucky after finishing an agonising second in successive years, Grete making it fifth time lucky after missing out four times in a decade. Two heads are better than one, as was vindicated here. Complete with dancing baristas serving you the finest brews Estonia has to offer, it’s undoubtedly one of the contest’s flashiest, catchiest and most relatable songs, and will undoubtedly be a success with the public, even if the juries are less likely to be so kind.
FINLAND – Janita: “Mystic Thames”
https://suno.com/song/ad65a114-3770-4d5c-a82c-d99d8c6d5382
As I recall, for this one I typed “a ballad about London” (or something similar). And it didn’t disappoint. Janita spent most of her childhood in Helsinki, but the last 30 years in New York. With shades of Karleken Ar and Blackbird (their 2017 entry – no, not the Beatles song. And no, definitely not the Wurzels song), it makes a refreshing change from early 00’s bands, or frighteningly under-dressed blokes on stage, but may still be their first non-qualifier since the pandemic.
FRANCE – Chimene Badi: “Arrete!” (Stop)
https://suno.com/song/82e679ca-336b-4a24-9699-68955e3e3181
After finishing third in Destination Eurovision with “Là-haut” in 2019, she returns with an equally beautiful ballad. A song with emotive but perhaps deliberately obtuse lyrics, it has been interpreted by many as an outcry against domestic abuse, or abuse against women in general. Given her nation’s popularity with juries in recent years, it seems an obvious hit with them, but an overall winner? Quite possibly. A French-Algerian singing a ballad worked well for them last year.
GEORGIA – Mariam Chachkhiani: “Wine”
https://suno.com/song/833c015b-ed91-4cd5-81e2-efd757edd848
Having finished fourth in the National Final for her nation’s JESC debut in 2007, and won the Voice of Georgia six years later, some would argue her senior contest debut is long overdue. Her solo style ranges from soul, to RnB, and even dubstep (according to Wikipedia, anyway), but this is more of a ballad, with piano and acoustic guitar blended together like um, good wine, I guess; vaguely reminiscent of Sabrina Carpenter and Lola Young with undertones of Snap (and we all know that worked pretty well for Rosa, albeit less so in the contest itself), which should at least set a new qualification streak after an 8-year absence from the final for her nation, scoring steadily – perhaps even strongly – from both juries and public.
GERMANY – Joey Heindle: “The Next Level”
https://suno.com/song/6811d2c0-b169-4c25-b033-a6eb119e2289
In his homeland, some know him best for winning the German equivalent of “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!” in 2013 – others for finishing fifth on Deutschland Sucht den Superstar – the German equivalent of Pop Idol, the previous year. With a song that struggles to find its niche or identity, it may be back to the drawing board for Germany after ending their unwanted streak of successive last place finishes and/or zeroes with at least one side of the votes in Stockholm, although his solo guitar riff during the middle-8 may impress sufficiently to gain some additional points.
GREECE – Antonis Remos: “Looking Out My Window”
https://suno.com/song/382008bb-6402-4b48-9a4a-59b937ea6935
Very much meeting the criteria for an old-school Balkan ballad, though you do sense it would be more successful if sung in native tongue. Now aged 55 and with a decades-long career which has taken him around the continent, Eurovision represents a new challenge for Antonis, who was born in Germany, where he spent his early years.
ICELAND – Bragi Bergsson: “I’ll be Your Shield”
https://suno.com/song/09997ec8-9eeb-4feb-9d26-7697fff14a1f
Not often a Eurovision contestant has previous experience of representing his nation at international level in a different environment! Bragi is a footballer who’s career is still active – currently playing with Vastro Frolunda in Sweden, he’s spent the last decade of his career playing for various clubs across the Nordic region. Although never representing Iceland at senior level, he was previously involved at both under-17 and then under-19 levels. If that’s not enough, he also participated in the 2018 edition of Swedish idol – making it to the semi-finals – before finishing fifth in Iceland’s Songvakeppin five years later. Successful second time around, it appears he will have to take yet more time off from his football career – much to his club’s frustration – but unfortunately for him, and his nation, it appears another semi-final exit is likely, with this pleasing but largely forgettable ballad.
IRELAND – Ryan O’Shaughnessy: “Tallest Building”
https://suno.com/song/fa5aee9e-9328-4255-a003-0c1e4b5c7faa
Returning for his second bite at the cherry after finishing 16th in Lisbon, it marks the third time the O’Shaughnessy family have been involved, after his Uncle’s earlier participation in 2001. Whilst being a likeable ballad, it seems unlikely to have the same impact as Together, or anything close to Bambie Thug, although the juries may warm to it.
ISRAEL – May Pinto: “Lonely Place”
https://suno.com/song/8f1b288b-e0d1-4317-8cd6-f7a8fcf27553
Last year, they went for a female singer with a dark ballad. This year, in a complete change of direction, they’ve decided to go with… oh. Unlike Eden Golan, however, this year’s offering could be considered more of a diluted, unobvious reference to the situation in and around her homeland. The “lonely place” is interpreted by some as more of a description of being stuck in a deep depression. Will they hit the same heights as last year’s record televote score (in comparison to their jury score)? Probably not, but whatever points it gains will be well deserved, in my opinion, for the singer who impressed during the 2013 series of Israeli x-factor.
ITALY – Mahmood: “Fogile Non Sono Sempre Verdi” (Leaves Aren’t Always Green)
https://suno.com/song/605878e4-c453-4aae-b5a4-cc811490e744
Back for his third bite at the cherry (all at 3-year intervals, incidentally), despite his popularity within the Eurovision fanbase – and coming within 27 points of victory with his sing-along/clap-along classic ‘Soldi’ – though a place in the Grand Final is guaranteed – he seems unlikely to make it third time lucky with a song that, in comparison to his previous entries, is surprisingly dull.
LATVIA – Inokentjs Marpls: “Break”
https://suno.com/song/cf67f57d-ed69-45c0-98ef-79f2706b9ef9
A heavy punk-rock band formed in the mid-90’s, Innocent Marple – to give them their (almost embarrassingly obvious) English translation – show a slightly softer side for this entry, which would draw comparisons to bands such as Staind and System of a Down. Dark, murky and atmospheric, but it struggles to really get going, and as such, may not be enough to continue the recent return to form set by Dons’ surprise qualification last year.
LITHUANIA – Stormgrey: “The Ultimate Price”
https://suno.com/song/f9885c74-e6ef-4b36-ad26-f44470410596
Death metal isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but with a catchy, aggressive chorus – shouted, not sung, obviously – it’s another song likely to be rewarded highly by the televoters. Lordi on steroids? Well, that’s one way of putting it. Singer Andrius Šaulys described how the Finnish monsters, along with more recently successful bands such as Maneskin and Baby Lasagna, inspired him and his bandmates to enter when they previously wouldn’t have even dreamt of it.
LUXEMBOURG – One Last Time: “Chase You Away”
https://suno.com/song/f78b2213-a02b-4d1d-9c59-367908dab7a3
Successful at the second time of asking, after the Grand Duchy’s return to the contest following a 30-year absence, the energetic 5-piece rock band could easily sink or swim with this entry, which fans of the Offspring will no doubt enjoy; potentially scoring highly with both juries and the public, if the staging is strong and appropriate.
MALTA – Brooke Borg: “The Gamble”
https://suno.com/song/04ff36b9-9f24-4498-a305-746a7872a550
Having finally been successful in attempting to represent her nation at the fifth time of asking, she may feel that the hard work has already done. But the country with the dubious record of being the first to enter (way back in 1971) without ever winning to date, an appearance in Saturday’s final would be a bonus, given their perennial reliance on jury support with none available in the semi-finals, not to mention a song that does little to excite or inspire. Kind of a gamble, really.
MOLDOVA – Max Vangeli ft. Dara: “Breathing New Air”
https://suno.com/song/44a4bbf3-b1e5-4b16-b8d9-3240a9bebcc4
Unfortunately, they did not get to compete in the actual contest in Basel, due to the somewhat embarrassing complications in their National Final. Perhaps they’d have been better off calling this guy? Namely world-renowned DJ and producer, now based in San Francisco, Max Vangeli – who regularly teams up with fellow DJ and producer AN21 (younger brother of Swedish House Mafia’s Steve Angello) and has featured on productions by the likes of Gorillaz, Eddie Goulding and the Prodigy, amongst many others. His team-mate for this collaboration is Nicoleta Dara (who goes by her last name, Bon Jovi styleee, for commercial purposes). Her only previous Eurovision experience was in 2012 – where she finished third in her country’s National Final. An upbeat EDM entry, they may not be expecting it to reach the same heights as Trenuletul or Hey Mamma, but should score steadily with both juries and public.
MONTENEGRO – Slavko: “Trnap” (Tiger)
https://suno.com/song/82461405-6acc-4f7c-a95b-83fc58bef0fe
Returning to the contest after a three-year absence, they turn to an old head in their 2017 entrant. Later that year, he also made a brief appearance on the UK x-factor. Unfortunately for him, another non-qualification looks likely. At only 1 minute and 46 seconds, it becomes the shortest entry in a decade, only 19 seconds longer than the current record holder, ‘Aina Munn Pitta’.
NETHERLANDS – Ronnie Flex: “Zommer Bienenkort” (Summer Forever)
https://suno.com/song/4a6182e5-7665-4c4d-a521-ece0bd4d0904
Singing in native tongue may have worked well for them in 2022 – and undoubtedly would have done so again for Joost Klein – but with a song that sounds like a poor karaoke cover of “Popped a Pill in Ibiza” by Mike Posner, or possibly “Summertime” by Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince (yeah, I know the title translates as “Summer Forever”), they shouldn’t be expecting such success this time around. Ronnie’s celebrity status in his homeland – having starred in the Dutch versions of Survivor, It Takes Two and the Masked Singer – as well as scoring #1 albums and singles both in the Netherlands and Belgium, will be of little consequence on the continental stage.
NORWAY – Erika Norwich: “Splash!”
https://suno.com/song/0c461ade-961b-47e6-b381-b5d6c3c77eb8
If you watched or followed last year’s MGP, you’ll remember her very well. Well, here you go, Erika; this is “My AI” song for you (if you know, you know). Her duet with Super Rob (one half of Subwoolfer) finished third behind Gate (my favourite entry in Malmo, but most would probably agree she’d have been a more successful choice), and Keiino. With a swim-themed title, it’s perhaps not surprising they went with bikini-clad girls on stage, including her, guaranteeing her the straight male vote (all 15 of us) – including a steamy scene with a guy in shorts (you’ve got to aim to please everyone). Despite her unusual last name (by Norwegian standards, anyway), she appears to have no connection to East Anglia.
POLAND – Terrific Sunday: “Sitting All Alone”
https://suno.com/song/fa28b499-d500-47b7-ac1f-f352043ce551
For this one, I asked for a BritPop song, although didn’t quite get it. Nonetheless, having done some research into Polish bands, I found a band whose style and vocals actually suits the song spookily well. Terrific Sunday would be considered more indie or dream-pop than BritPop (or BritPole, as it were, ARF ARF), but in this instance, it worked out well. Their style may be lost on Eurovision audiences, however, who tend to favour Polish entries more along the likes of Blanka and Michal Spzak. Which it definitely isn’t.
PORTUGAL – Elisa Silva: “My Hometown” (Minha Terra Natal)
https://suno.com/song/56904ada-19f2-46ab-bc8b-748c8fb30265
Having won the 2020 Festival da Canção, she didn’t get to represent her nation that year for obvious reasons, and chose not to return the following year, although she did perform as the interval act, and also read out her nation’s jury points in Rotterdam. Doing what they do best – heartfelt, emotional ballads in their native tongue – it should be another strong year with the juries, but let down once again by the public.
SAN MARINO – Osted: “Mers and Montagnes” (Seas and Mountains)
https://suno.com/song/0ef321aa-5c6d-4f36-a496-7e52733e4fa0
When your nation has a population of less than 40,000 – looking internationally for your representative is often the easiest option – with neighbouring Italy usually being the obvious first port of call. They’ve looked as far as Turkey and the USA on occasions – and last year, they went Spanish. They’re going for a band once again in Basel, but won’t be expecting their non-qualification run to end with this mid-tempo indie entry by Strasbourg-based Osted.
SERBIA – Srđan Marjanović: “Reuse and Recycle” (Ponovo Koristiti I Reciklirati)
https://suno.com/song/20b98621-2d48-4bcd-acea-fc1a3954d342
The contest’s oldest entrant – in his early-70’s – he has a wealth of experience as a popular acoustic singer and guitarist in his homeland, but Eurovision is an entirely new venture. It’ll no doubt rely heavily on its staging – along with the neighbour and diaspora vote – for the majority of its points. With dancing bins as well as a giant recycling station, it’s sure to be a televote smash, even if the song itself is slightly less memorable.
SLOVENIA – Pier: “The First Chance”
https://suno.com/song/2159e19b-f9e2-4bb8-9462-52683ba85096
Pier is a regular on the Ljubljana circuit for over 30 years, and this dark electro/techno entry has already caused a stir both domestically and internationally due to having no live singer on stage and leading to allegations of vocoders, auto-tuning, and even the possibility of AI-generated vocals – all currently banned under EBU live performance rules, with some people already calling for its disqualification. Many questions remain unanswered, but if the song isn’t disqualified, replaced or changed dramatically, it should at least continue their recent streak of final appearances.
SPAIN – Manel: “Te Guiare” (I Will Guide You)
https://suno.com/song/50ec2d92-7b3d-419f-be7f-82c57eb8333e
Having failed to score with the juries in 2017, it may have raised some eyebrows when the Spanish public opted to give him a second chance. This time round, he has a slightly stronger song, and although it’s unlikely to set the scoreboard alight, he’ll be hoping for marked improvement (in terms of points, even if not in the final scoreboard), and probably won’t be disappointed.
SWEDEN – Buster Moe: “Cross the Bridge to Your Love”
https://suno.com/song/f7efb6e8-ec6e-49d5-b936-c415f19e413b
Discovered by the jukebox of my local pub (we have good old Marston’s to thank here), he was a surprise winner to say the least – especially in a MelFest which included competition from former champion Mans Zelmerlöw, and Maja Ivarsson, singer of domestically-popular band, the Sounds. They have, to date, only suffered one non-qualification – in 2010 – but with no juries in the semi-finals, could this be the second?
SWITZERLAND – Alejandro Reyes: “In the Morning” (En la Manana)
https://suno.com/song/4444d4b3-6b19-4a7c-a010-0cc246e10735
As we all know, Switzerland has three national languages. But if they aren’t singing in French, German or Italian, they’ll usually go for something in English – which proved to be the code for their third victory in Stockholm (and the first of which not to be sung in French). So, it seems strange they’d go for a song in an entirely different language, particularly as the host nation. Alejandro Reyes, although living in Switzerland since the age of ten, was born in Chile, and chose to sing in his mother-tongue of Spanish (ok, so not just San Marino, then). Having finished second to Zibbz in 2018, and collaborated with 2017 entrants Timebelle in more recent times, he returns to the Eurovision fold with this internally-selected entry of a bouncy, Latin-pop nature. It doesn’t seem like we’ll be staying in Switzerland for another year, but it should get some points from, well, Spain, at least.
UKRAINE – Tayanna: “Playing Your Game”
https://suno.com/song/37904f17-cdb9-4dbe-a9a3-f867d67a2302
Well, I asked for a traditional Ukrainian folk song, and they didn’t disappoint. Even the vocals, although sung in English, sound traditionally Ukrainian. This being said, whilst you’ll hear echoes of Mika Newton’s Angel, it may not be expected to reach the same recent heights of the Kalush Orchestra, or Jerry Heil & Alyona. But then, after the debacle in 2019 where her withdrawal contributed to her nation eventually withdrawing from the contest altogether, she’ll be delighted to have got through at her fourth attempt.
UNITED KINGDOM – Jesy Nelson: “Scared”
https://suno.com/song/7cf821b2-fb2a-4551-9020-df787f191fE2
Having recently embarked on her solo career since Little Mix’s hiatus, her fourth single will also be her nation’s Eurovision entry. The North-East London native performs a funky, upbeat and appropriately modern pop song which should, as always, score highly with the juries, and may even be an outside bet for a victory.
With an earlier final than most, Czechia become the early bookies’ favourite; the YouTube sensation that is Alex(andri)a. On February 10th, however, the EBU made the decision that the lyrics would not be allowed to stand as they are, and some of them would have to be changed.
At this point, their odds worsened, gradually over the course of the month, as other countries’ entries started coming in thick and fast. Estonia, in particular, caused a stir (although I prefer it shaken) – moving up to second at one point, and fellow Baltics Lithuania also put themselves in contention when Ultimate Price emerged victorious in Eurovizija.LT.
The UK moved into the top 5 when Jesy was announced mid-month, but her odds dropped slightly upon the release of “Scared” – some finding it a bit underwhelming. The unveiling of Chimene’s entry for France at half-time during their Six Nation’s rugby match against Ireland swung the momentum their way.
After the first week of rehearsals, a top 3 had been firmly cemented. It is looking likely to be a Czech, French or Lithuanian victory, with Estonia and Israel bringing up the top 5 with the bookies.
Here’s the running order for the first semi-final. Spain, Switzerland and the United Kingdom will be performing and voting tonight. Spain will perform between Australia and Poland, the UK between Albania and Portugal, and Switzerland between Greece and Croatia.
1. ARMENIA – DerHova & Vladimir Arzumanyan: “Gone in a Flash”
2. ICELAND – Bragi Bergsson: “I’ll be Your Shield”
3. LUXEMBOURG – Back Garden Light: “Chase You Away”
4. AUSTRALIA – Bag Raiders ft. Evie Irie: “Lights”
5. POLAND – Terrific Sunday: “Sitting All Alone”
6. DENMARK – PULS & Whigfield: “Feel Your Power”
7. CZECHIA – Toxique: “Alexandria”
8. ALBANIA – Flori Mumajesi: “Me Mbaj” (Carry Me)
9. PORTUGAL – Elisa Silva: “Minha Terra Natal” (My Hometown)
10. LITHUANIA – Stormgrey: “The Ultimate Price”
11. GEORGIA – Mariam Chachkhiani: “Wine”
12. GREECE – Antonis Remos: “Looking Out My Window”
13. CROATIA – Elis Lovric: “Uz Obalu” (Along the Coast)
14. LATVIA – Inokentjs Marpls: “Break”
15. NORWAY – Erika Norwich: “Splash”
16. CYPRUS – Theo Evan & Sophia Patsalides: “Na Sou Deixei tin Porta” (Show You the Door)
The first country going through to the final is… Luxembourg!
The next country going through to the final is… Cyprus!
The next country going through to the final is… Australia!
The next country going through to the final is… Norway!
The next country going through to the final is… Lithuania!
The next country going through to the final is… Czechia!
The next country going through to the final is… Georgia!
The next country going through to the final is… Croatia!
The next country going through to the final is… Armenia!
And the final country going through to the final is…
… Portugal!
Which means, unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to Greece, Iceland, Poland, Denmark, Albania & Latvia.
A mix-up in the first semi-final meant that in the recap, Latvia’s entry – although displaying the correct flag – accidentally read as Lithuania. The EBU apologised for this error the following morning, but could it have affected the results? Aside from this, things went pretty smoothly. Which is an improvement on Malmo, at least.
And now here’s the running order for the second semi-final. France, Germany and Italy will be performing and voting tonight. Italy will perform between Israel and Slovenia, Germany will perform between Azerbaijan and Moldova, and France between Finland and Serbia.
1. BELGIUM – Tamino & Julia Boschmann: “I Don’t Have the Answer”
2. AUSTRIA – Laura Kamhuber: “Put Out Your Fire”
3. SAN MARINO – Osted: “Mers et Montagnes” (Mountains and Seas)
4. ISRAEL – May Pinto: “Lonely Place”
5. SLOVENIA – Pier: “The First Chance”
6. UKRAINE – Tayanna: “Playing Your Game”
7. ESTONIA – Grete & Ollie: “Caffeine Rush”
8. AZERBAIJAN – Eldar Qasimov: “En Darin Agri” (The Deepest Pain)
9. MOLDOVA – Max Vangeli ft. Dara: “Breathing New Air”
10. IRELAND – Ryan O’Shaughnessy: “Tallest Building”
11. MONTENEGRO – Slavko Kalezic: “Trnap” (Tiger)
12. FINLAND – Janita: “Mystic Thames”
13. SERBIA – Srđan Marjanović: “Ponovo Koristiti I Reciklirati” (Reuse and Recycle)
14. MALTA – Brooke Borg: “The Gamble”
15. SWEDEN – Buster Moe: “Cross the Bridge to Your Love”
16. NETHERLANDS – Ronnie Flex: “Zommer Bienenkort” (Summer Forever)
The first country going through to the final is… Ireland!
The next country going through to the final is… Ukraine!
The next country going through to the final is… Sweden!
The next country going through to the final is… Israel!
The next country going through to the final is… Estonia!
The next country going through to the final is… Serbia!
The next country going through to the final is… Belgium!
The next country going through to the final is… Austria!
The next country going through to the final is… Moldova!
And the final country going through to the final is…
… Slovenia!
Which means, unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to San Marino, Azerbaijan, Montenegro, Finland, Malta & the Netherlands.
My prediction is that France will win the jury vote – potentially by a sizeable margin – although nothing like a Tattoo or Nemo. Fellow French-Algerian Slimane – whom you may remember from such contests as, um, last year – gave his nation a timely boost by performing Arrête in the EuroClub. Lithuania will be favourites with the televoters, although it seems unlikely that either will cross the 300-point barrier.
This could easily lead to a situation where Czechia, Estonia, or perhaps even Israel, Serbia or Ukraine, could seize the initiative on aggregate – all of which are likely to make substantial gains with the public (as they usually do). Belgium, Ireland, Portugal and possibly the UK will be expected to rack up the jury points, but not likely to be enough for an overall success.
As for last place? There’s a few contenders. Manel will just be hoping (although reasonably confident) for some points from juries and public this time, Germany will be hoping to avoid a third last-placed finish in four years, and Cyprus will be relying primarily on their usual source for their points (need I say more)?
Here’s the running order for the Grand Final:
1. SLOVENIA – Pier: “The First Chance”
2. CYPRUS – Theo Evan & Sophia Patsalides: “Na Sou Deixei tin Porta” (Show You the Door)
3. AUSTRIA – Laura Kamhuber: “Put Out Your Fire”
4. GERMANY – Joey Heindle: “The Next Level”
5. PORTUGAL – Elisa Silva: “Minha Terra Natal” (My Hometown)
6. LUXEMBOURG – Back Garden Light: “Chase You Away”
7. CZECHIA – Toxique: “Alexandria”
8. SWITZERLAND – Alejandro Reyes: “En la Mañana” (In the Morning)
9. FRANCE – Chimene Badi: “Arrete!” (Stop!)
10. SERBIA – Srđan Marjanović: “Ponovo Koristiti I Reciklirati” (Reuse and Recycle)
11. AUSTRALIA – Voyager: “Lights”
12. GEORGIA – Mariam Chachkhiani: “Wine”
13. SPAIN – Manel Navarro: “Te Guiare” (I Will Guide You)
14. ESTONIA – Grete & Ollie: “Caffeine Rush”
15. ARMENIA – DerHova & Vladimir Arzumanyan: “Gone in a Flash”
16. ISRAEL – May Pinto: “Lonely Place”
17. MOLDOVA – Max Vangeli ft. Dara: “Breathing New Air”
18. IRELAND – Ryan O’Shaughnessy: “Tallest Building”
19. LITHUANIA – Stormgrey: “The Ultimate Price”
20. UNITED KINGDOM – Jesy Nelson: “Scared”
21. CROATIA – Elis Lovric: “Uz Obalu” (Along the Coast)
22. NORWAY – Erika Norwich: “Splash!”
23. UKRAINE – Tayanna: “Playing Your Game”
24. BELGIUM – Tamino & Julia Boschmann: “I Don’t Have the Answer”
25. ITALY – Mahmood: “Fogile Non Sono Sempre Verdi” (Leaves Aren’t Always Green)
26. SWEDEN – Buster Moe: “Cross the Bridge to Your Love”
Slovenia opened the show with a mixture of cheers and boos – the AI situation still not resolved and only a hologram (so, literally an AI singer) on stage. Toxique predictably went down a storm with the audience – many of whom in Alexa-shaped fancy dress – as did Chimene, despite two of the favourites being strangely close to each other in the first-half (sandwiching the host nation, who got the biggest cheer of the night). Could this swing the advantage Stormgrey’s way?
The much-anticipated on-stage appearance from Celine Dion was…. not to be (where have we heard that before)? All joking aside, amazing as it would have been, her health comes first (she was diagnosed with Stiff Persons Syndrome 3 years ago). Nemo showcased some of his new material, co-presenter Sandra Simo gave a rendition of her 1991 entry ‘Canzone per Te’ and a mash-up between Kaarija and Baby Lasagna went down a storm (forgive me, I couldn’t be arsed to come up with my own ideas. What’s the point when what we got in the actual contest was spectacular as it was)?
So, as Mr. Osterdahl makes his formal speech – to mixed approval, although nothing like as volatile as in Malmo – we’re g… well, you know the rest. Arguably, he shouldn’t still be in the hotseat, but the audience have at least been placated by the improvements he made to the safeguarding policy.
With an 8 from Ukraine and a 10 from Germany, the UK lead after 2 rounds. But I doubt Jesy is getting too excited as yet. Nevertheless, “we are top of the league, say we are top of the league!”
After 10 rounds, France take the lead, as many expected, but with only 20 points separating the top five, it’s still very much all to play for. Greece’s jury gave nothing to Cyprus! Thankfully for them, they still have 7 points to their name already.
After 13 rounds – and now more than a third of the way through – every nation has points, and France have a 3-point lead over Estonia. The UK are still scoring steadily in sixth, though now lagging nearly 30 points behind the current leaders.
Half way through, France still have the lead, having just crossed the 100-point barrier, with Estonia only 12 points behind, and Czechia hot on their heels in third. After 23 rounds, only 2 points separate the top 3 nations. Estonia’s jury give only one point to Czechia, and nothing to France; meaning the top 3 are now only separated by a single point.
With two thirds of the jury voting now done, the situation has changed slightly. France have extended their lead, with Portugal climbing up into second, though Czechia are still third.
Low and behold, the UK get their first douze of the evening, from neighbours Ireland – pushing them back up to seventh, and later get another from Australia (us fellow English speaking nations stick together, you see).
And so, as many expected, France win the jury vote, though we’re talking Sam Ryder and Gjon’s Tears margins, rather than a Tattoo or Nemo. And not quite the tussle between Tamara and Jon-Henrik (and this time, no errors in the results).
Here’s how the juries finished:
1. France (244)
2. Portugal (193)
3. Czechia (192)
4. Estonia (126)
5. Ireland (119)
6. Belgium (109)
7. Sweden (105)
8. United Kingdom (100)
9. Australia (90)
10. Ukraine (85)
11. Armenia (82)
12. Lithuania (78)
13. Luxembourg (74)
14. Serbia (73)
15. Slovenia (67)
16. Croatia (64)
17. Moldova (63)
18. Austria (62)
19. Italy (58)
20. Switzerland (54)
21. Norway (53)
22. Israel (40)
23. Georgia (29)
24. Germany (22)
25. Spain (11)
26. Cyprus (9)
Mr. O returns once again, and after two years of not having the final say, will the public decide the winner this time? Or will Chimene hold on to bring France their long-awaited sixth Eurovision title and their first in 48 years?
Cyprus, the public have given you… 21 points.
Spain, you have received… 18 points.
Germany, you are getting… 7 points. Germany are now doomed to another last-placed finish.
Georgia, you have received, from the public vote… 56 points. They move into the top ten.
Israel, the public have awarded you with…
*pauses for around 7 seconds*
… 190 points! To a cacophony of boos from the crowd, they now lead. Thankfully, however, they are unlikely to win overall.
Norway, you have received… 87 points! Norway are now in the top 5 – but it’s likely they’ll finish a lot lower than many would have expected. The bottom 3 are now confirmed.
Switzerland, the public have given you…
… zero points. A disbelieving groan rings around the hall. Once again, the similarities to the actual contest in Basel prove uncanny.
Italy, the public have given you… 64 points. They are now sixth.
Austria, you got… 13 points.
Moldova, the public awarded you… 78 points. They are now fifth.
Croatia, you are getting… 58 points. They go seventh.
Slovenia, the public gave you… 44 points. To a somewhat mixed response inside the arena, they move into the top ten.
Serbia, you have received, from the public vote…
*pauses for around seven seconds*
175 points! We have a new leader, though probably not a winner. Though it does mean Israel now cannot win.
Luxembourg, the public gave you… 20 points. The same total as Tali, incidentally.
This is the big one. Lithuania, you have received, from the public…
*pauses for around ten seconds*…
… 284 points!!!
As expected, Lithuania now lead the contest. But will it be enough, with 11 nations still to receive their points?
Armenia, you are getting… 95 points. Meaning they can now finish no higher than seventh.
And it could be another big one now. Ukraine, the public have decided to award you with…
*pauses for around seven seconds*
… 204 points! Yes, big as always. But they fall 30 points behind current leaders Lithuania.
Australia, the public have given you… 20 points.
United Kingdom, you are getting… 48 points. Putting them back into the top 10 – they probably won’t stay there, but hope springs eternal for a left-hand scoreboard finish at least.
Sweden, you have received… 40 points.
Coming in at 3 points behind the UK, it’s a rare midtable finish for Sweden. But then, it was kind of a mid-tempo plodder.
Belgium, the public award you… 65 points. They could now finish top 5 but it won’t be any higher than that.
Ireland, you have been given, by the public vote… 55 points. They scrape into the top ten for now, but will probably miss out.
Could be another big one here. Estonia, the public have decided to award you with…
… 178 points! Top five is now a cert for them.
Standard four-way screen split now.
This is crucial. Czechia, the public have given you…
… 242 points!!!
Czechia take the lead! 46 points ahead of Lithuania.
Portugal, you will receive…
… 62 points. Once again, the televoters kill their chances, but another top ten is guaranteed at least.
And so, it’s between Czechia and France, who must score a minimum of 191 points.
France, the public have given you…
…
… 141 points!!!
They finish second, but more importantly, we have our winner. Congratulations to Toxique and Czechia!!! And Alexa, of course.
Here’s the final scores on the doors:
1. Czechia (434)
2. France (385)
3. Lithuania (362)
4. Estonia (304)
5. Ukraine (289)
6. Portugal (255)
7. Israel (230)
8. Armenia (177)
9. Serbia (175)
10. Belgium (174)*
11. Ireland (174)
12. United Kingdom (148)
13. Sweden (145)
14. Moldova (141)
15. Norway (140)
16. Italy (122)*
17. Croatia (122)
18. Slovenia (111)
19. Australia (109)
20. Luxembourg (94)
21. Georgia (85)
22. Austria (75)
23. Switzerland (54)
24. Cyprus (30)
25. Spain (29)*
26. Germany (29)
*Belgium finish above Ireland, Italy above Croatia, and Spain above Germany, due to having higher televote scores.
And here’s how the televote table finished:
1. Lithuania (284)
2. Czechia (242)
3. Ukraine (204)
4. Israel (190)
5. Estonia (178)
6. Serbia (175)
7. France (141)
8. Armenia (95)
9. Norway (87)
10. Moldova (78)
11. Belgium (65)
12. Italy (64)
13. Portugal (62)
14. Croatia (58)
15. Georgia (56)
16. Ireland (55)
17. United Kingdom (48)
18. Slovenia (44)
19. Sweden (40)
20. Cyprus (21)
21. Luxembourg (20)
22. Australia (19)
23. Spain (18)
24. Austria (13)
25. Germany (7)
26. Switzerland (0)
For those of you who prefer the 2016-18 system, here’s how it would have panned out:
Little to report until Swedish, British and Irish hopes are dashed in quick succession. Not long after, Portugal also kiss their hopes goodbye. Belgium then come crashing down, as momentum appears to be swinging eastwards with the public once again. France, finishing seventh with the public, are now almost certainly out of the running. Israel and Ukraine’s televote scores will only be enough for a top 5 at best. It’s now between Czechia and Lithuania for the title – one of which will claim their first in Eurovision history. With Toxique announced as second, Lithuania now need to score a minimum of 356 points to win. Do-able, but a long shot. And we all know how it ends. Just, in this instance, that little bit more heartbreakingly for Stormgrey.
And so onto Prague next year (still not confirmed, though a near-certainty); the 02 Arena (hello, this is London calling, we’d like our name back, ta), the most likely host venue, with a capacity for concerts of 20,000. A popular city with Britons due to their notoriously low-priced beer – which will no doubt be a welcomed by the majority of fans.
Well, I have to say, it’s been a lot of fun creating my first AI-generated fantasy contest. Will I do another one at some point in the future? I think it’s pretty safe to say the answer is… more than probably. But more importantly, what do you think? If you’ve listened to any or all of the songs, do you think I’ve got it right, for the most part? Or if not, which songs would have done better or worse? Which songs were your favourites, and which songs didn’t you enjoy so much? Just bear in mind, I didn’t write the songs myself. AI did.
As always, please like and follow my page – and maybe share on your socials if you think it’s that great, and I look forward to berating you with my thoughts, as well as a lot of barely-relevant Eurovision-related statistics – and no doubt some more daft fantasy contests – in the not-too-distant future. Ciao for now, Eurofans.
