And so now we move on to the final article in my three-part series – and it’s the turn of Wales, or as the locals prefer, Cymru. You’re probably thinking “sim-roo” in your head, but the Welsh do things a bit differently when it comes to sounds and vowels – the “ee” and “um” are the other way around; it’s a hard C, and it’s actually pronounced “kum-ree”. There’s a lot of room for euphemism here, so at this point, I’d probably better stop.
Even more complicatedly, if you thought the counties situation in Scotland was hard to get your head around, you ain’t seen nothing yet, b-b-baby… Keeping things simple for the moment, the eight preserved counties (for ceremonial and lieutenancy purposes, according to Wikipedia, anyway) are Clwyd, Dyfed, Gwent, Gwynedd, Powys, and South-, West- & Mid-Glamorgan.
Like the rest of the UK, things became much more complicated in the mid-70’s, and then again in the mid-90’s. But to try and continue keeping things relatively straight-forward, it now consists of 22 council areas – whilst not being traditional counties, it makes more sense given the country’s small population, in terms of providing services for the public, at least (because local councils are notoriously fantastic for serving their people, obviously).
I won’t list them all, but to offer a brief overview, they include some of the preserved counties; including Powys and Gwynedd, some of the old shires; including Monmouthshire, Pembrokeshire and Carmarthenshire, some of the borough areas for the larger towns and cities; such as Cardiff, Newport, Swansea and Wrexham, and some that don’t really make any sense at all, like Rhondda-Cynon-Taf.
Despite having a population of around 3 million people, they have produced an array of musical talent that have topped the charts in the UK and beyond. This includes pop groups and singers, and many bands that include the “Cool Cymru” era – a separatist movement from the BritPop explosion in the mid-90’s.
Only two of the 15 competing counties – South- and West- Glamorgan, opted for County Finals involving multiple acts, although some others went for online only votes, or County Finals involving just their pre-selected representative. So, unless stated otherwise, all other acts were internally selected. Bridgend bands, Bullet for My Valentine and Funeral for a Friend, both opted not to compete for Mid Glamorgan when they realised who they were up against.
A six-song, YouDecide style County Final was the order of the day at the Tramshed in Cardiff. Amen Corner performed their late-60’s classic “If Paradise is Half as Nice”, opera-turned-pop singer Charlotte Church demonstrated what a “Crazy Chick” she is, Dave Edmunds – recovering well, you’ll be pleased to hear, after a recent health scare – performed “I Hear You Knocking”, Donna Lewis told us all how she “Love(s Us) Always and Forever”, and Shakin’ Stevens – unable to enter with his Christmas classic for obvious reasons – sang his ode to “Julie”.
Around an hour away, in Swansea’s Sin City, it was a three-way battle of the divas. Two of whom you’ll remember from a certain other contest – though only one had to negotiate a National Final previously. Mary Hopkin is one of them, the other will be revealed as you read on. Soprano Katherine Jenkins was the juries’ favourite, but lost out when the televotes came in.
Anyway, here is a list – in order of when they will be performing on the night – of the contenders, their entries, and the counties they will be representing.
- CONWY – Catfish & the Bottlemen: “Kathleen”
A Number One album, numerous festival headline slots and even some football stadium shows; it’s fair to say they’ve done alright for themselves since breaking through in 2014. Their most successful hit “Cocoon” (in terms of YouTube views) not eligible due to the repeated use of a certain word on the chorus, they instead opted for a song named after my Grandma, Kathleen. Well, it wasn’t, obviously, but no harm in giving the old dear a shout out, is there? Anyway, a rousing opener, more likely to be rewarded by the televoters than the juries.
2. DENBIGHSHIRE – Lisa Scott-Lee: “Lately”
Opting to compete as a solo artist, rather than with her Steps colleagues, she’ll be hoping for greater success than her younger brother – fourth out of five in the 2005 Making Your Mind Up show – but sadly for the Scott-Lee clan, the poor results appear to be continuing; with the first of her three hits – peaking at Number 6 in 2003 – and a somewhat predictable mid-00’s pop entry.
3. CLWYD – Neck Deep: “In Bloom”
Despite having a distinctly American sound, the pop-punk quintet actually hail from Wrexham (it appears America’s influence on Wrexham stretches further than just football). Currently on their fifth album, it may be the best bet for a last-placed finish, although the televoters might just bail them out.
4. PEMBROKESHIRE – Duffy: “Mercy”
Aimee Duffy, otherwise known by just her surname (no, she didn’t name herself after the former Irish footballer, or the Simpsons character – that’s Duffman), with her biggest hit “Mercy” – Number One in February 2008. She also had success with the more downbeat hits “Warwick Avenue” and “Stepping Stone”. An outside favourite, with a top half finish appearing the most realistic target. She won a two-way online vote against acoustic-folk singer Meic Stevens; who mostly sings in Cymraeg (the native Welsh language).
5. TORFAEN – Manic Street Preachers: “If You Tolerate This…”
“…Your Children Will be Next” – The first of their two Number One singles in August 1998, with singer James Bradfield still hitting the high notes spectacularly, the Blackwood trio are sure to find themselves as loved as ever by juries and public alike, though are more likely to be challengers than champions.
6. MID-GLAMORGAN – Tom Jones: “It’s Not Unusual”
Don’t worry; I have the utmost respect for senior citizens. Nonetheless, I should point out that Sir Thomas Woodward – AKA Tom Jones – is now 85 yet still not this contest’s oldest performer (but more on that later). More to the point, will he be the most senior in the final table? With his over-whelming fanbase and career spanning over 60 years, you’d do well not to bet against it, with the first of his three Number One singles, way back in 1965. Though with the public generally tending to prefer more modern artists, could this hold him back?
7. VALE OF GLAMORGAN – The Automatic: “Monster”
I once met the keyboard player when my friend’s band from college supported them at a gig in Cardiff. This song also holds personal relevance to me as it was sung by fans of my team, Bristol City, in reference to our former hotshot, Enoch Showunmi. But enough about me. Their Number 4 hit in June 2006 – which may be considered a one-hit wonder by some – may do well for its novelty factor, but due to the lack of a significant fanbase, is unlikely to challenge for the title.
8. SOUTH GLAMORGAN – Shirley Bassey: “Goldfinger”
Taken from the 1964 film of the same name, the contest’s oldest performer (by 3 years over the previously mentioned Tom Jones – 88 to his 85), there could be a battle of the knighted seniors going on (Shirley was awarded a Damehood in 2000 – the female equivalent of the British monarchic honour), with both artists likely to rack up the points from the juries, although Dame Shirley may find herself held back slightly more by the public.
9. GWYNEDD – Super Furry Animals: “Northern Lites”
Whilst the majority of the band hail from Cardiff – where they made a name for themselves with most of their early gigs – they qualify due to singer Gruff Rhys hailing from the small town of Bethesda. Performing several of their biggest hits in a County Final, “Northern Lites” (spelt that way deliberately, at their discretion), narrowly pipped “Golden Retriever” at the post. What is their obsession with furry animals? But in fairness to them, it’s a shame it didn’t win – I love golden retrievers (don’t we all?!) and it would have been great to see one on stage. Oh, wait, no animals allowed on stage? Ah, never mind then. Being more of an indie entry, the majority of its points will be likely to come from the jury vote.
10. MONMOUTHSHIRE – Marina: “Hollywood”
With her largest hit “Prima-donna” set to be used in a future fantasy Eurovision (that’s as much as I can tell you about that for the time being), she’ll have to make do with this – a song about a Polish girl in America, by a woman of Greek heritage from Ebbw Vale. I wonder if she prefers her multi-national cocktails shaken or stirred? Originally known as Marina and the Diamonds (based on her last name, Diamandis), she dropped the latter part of her stage-name in 2018. Whilst it’s not amongst the favourites, neither will it be expected to sink without trace.
11. GWENT – Feeder: “Seven Days in the Sun”
Their pub-rock anthem “Buck Rogers” – named after the 70’s TV programme of the same name, and #5 in 2001 – is not eligible as it will be Japan’s entry in an up-coming Asian Contest (whoops, I’m doing it again; that’s as much as I can tell you about that for now). Bass player Taka Hirose is Japanese – the rest are from Newport. It was still a successful single for the then-trio – Number 11 later that same year – but may not have the same impact as their afore-mentioned signature tune. After Goldie Lookin Chain withdrew from a two-way online vote – unable to decide on a song that wasn’t too foul-mouthed, or otherwise controversial in some way – they were left to run unopposed.
12. ANGLESEY – Aled Jones: “Walking in the Air”
The song and voice from 1982 childhood favourite film “The Snowman”, his voice is of course markedly different (although no less beautiful) now he’s in his 50’s than when breaking through as a then 14-year-old. The difference in vocal is likely to impact his televote score much more than the juries, for whom it may well be their winner. Some people questioned if the song should be allowed to compete as it’s widely considered a Christmas song, but at no point does it reference the holiday season directly.
13. FLINTSHIRE – Joy Formidable: “Whirring”
Internally selected, with “Whirring” the winning entry in an online only vote, they hail from the town of Mold in North Wales, but have been based in Manchester, London and Utah of all places, over the years. Currently consisting of only two permanent members, and fronted by singer and guitarist Rhiannon Bryan, they may ask their old bandmates to return for the contest, or go with session musicians instead, but either way, as one of the lesser-known acts, will not be expecting a major haul of points.
14. WEST GLAMORGAN – Bonnie Tyler: “Total Eclipse of the Heart”
Back for a second bite at a song contest sherry (surely cherry? – Ed), she’s under strict instructions to only drink after her performance. Assuming she complies (don’t bank on it), she should be one of the favourites with her classic – which was also covered by fellow Eurovision diva, Nicki French, although the public may be slightly less generous than the juries.
15. RHONDDA-CYNON TAF – Stereophonics: “Dakota”
A firm favourite with pub bands and punters over the 20 years since it became their first and only Number One single to date, it’ll provide a fitting end to the show, and is arguably the favourite to win the public vote, even if competition for the overall title may prove too strong to overcome.
My prediction is that Aled Jones will win the jury vote, with Shirley Bassey potentially hot on his heels. The Stereophonics are favourites to win the televote, leaving a situation where Tom Jones emerges victorious – most likely being in at least the top 3 with both sets of voters. Well, it worked for Duncan and Jamala, as we know. Bringing up the rear should be Lisa Scott-Lee, Neck Deep and the Joy Formidable, although with a significantly low number of participants, they will all be expecting at least a handful of points.
In the previous two contests involving Ireland and then Scotland, I implemented a separate set of votes from the counties that are not competing. They were tabulated together, and each county got an extra ten points depending on where they finished in the vote. So, last place got ten points, second from bottom got twenty, all the way up to the non-participant winner, who would receive the maximum number (180 in Ireland with 18 competing counties, and 160 with 16 in Scotland).
With most of the country competing under one moniker or another, however – and more to the point – with a significantly smaller population, the need for a separate set of votes was left surplus to requirements. Instead, as in Eurovision post-2023, a “Rest of Wales” vote will be included in the televote. A much more logistically viable and sensible option, I feel.
The venue will be the International Arena in Cardiff. I’ve been there for concerts on numerous occasions and I honestly believe both venue and city would have been more than suitable as Eurovision hosts (this has nothing to do with the fact that I could have simply swam over every day from my home in Weston-super-Mare, obviously). The presenters will be Alex Jones – of the One Show fame, of course, and Final Score presenter, Jason Mohammad, with former Catatonia singer Cerys Matthews helping out in the Green Room. As for the dates? Well, it’s fictional, so, um, decide for yourself.
Catfish & the Bottlemen got the crowd more than sufficiently warmed up (they did my Gran proud, bless ’em). Lisa and her dancers – all dressed in white, including her – may have been forgiven for thinking they were doing Strictly Come Dancing with the giant silver ball in the background.
Neck Deep may be looking at a points deduction – or even disqualification – after opening their set with some choice words (there’s a disclaimer at the beginning of their video) and also for a few of their fans who were removed by security for crowd-surfing. As if their daft big yellow sign saying “Hello, we are Neck Deep” wasn’t bad enough already…
Tom Jones showed us why he’s the favourite by getting a crowd of people – most of whom weren’t even born when his entry was in the charts – all singing and clapping along.
The Joy Formidable brought us two things that have never previously been seen before in these contests – a harp, and a banner (a real one; not just the usual computerised graphics we get nowadays) with the band’s logo on it. You may also notice a bobbing toy dog if you pay attention closely enough (OK – that’s three things, then). Their performance went on for around three times longer than permitted, but rules tend to go out of the window in fantasy contests, as we know.
Aled was allowed to provide his own backing vocals, as it were. And it worked for him! To the original backing track, his nowadays-much-more-baritone voice complimented his childhood falsetto vocals sublimely. Accompanied with several small screens (and one big one) – showing clips of his performances and videos throughout his career, and some of the backing musicians – there’s no doubt the juries will respond, but will the public?
With some appropriate dark/starry/spacey staging, Bonnie still managed to get everyone singing and waving along to her classic, despite perhaps not being at the height of her supreme vocal ability as she was in the mid-80’s. Unfortunately, contests don’t appear to be her bag.
The Super Furries made use of an impressive brass section – and even threw in a couple of steel drums for good measure, while Marina’s dress and staging was very, um, pinky-purple-ish – with the iconic Hollywood sign in the background (bit of a cliché, I know) but cutting to some Andy Warhol/Marilyn Monroe type images during the chorus. Kelly Jones may have missed a trick by not getting the audience to sing “take a look at me now” on repeat at the end, but still brought the show to a close with a rousing performance.
If you wish to watch the whole thing for yourself, please see here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWnEWUMh-mM&list=PLL-NMie91yccsDKTHMuKkwjpUJ8IEPMzd
With the jury votes valid and verified, we’re good to… ah, best not.
At the half-way point (or just before, as there’s an odd number of entrants), Bonnie leads by one point, with Sir Tom taking over directly after. With two thirds of the voting done, Bonnie has slipped off the pace – now down to third, and Aled is now level at the top with Sir Tom. Anglesey then give twelve points to Sir Tom and ten to Bonnie, which opens the gap between first, second and third. With just two rounds left to go, West Glamorgan give their neighbours (Sir Tom) twelve points and Anglesey eight, meaning Sir Tom has won the jury vote.
Here’s how the juries voted:
1. Mid Glamorgan (126)
2. Anglesey (105)
3. West Glamorgan (93)
4. Rhondda-Cynon-Taf (91)
5. Torfaen (90)
6. South Glamorgan (70)
7. Gwent (62)
8. Monmouthshire (47)
9. Vale of Glamorgan (40)
10. Gwynedd (36)
11. Pembrokeshire (35)
12. Denbighshire (30)
13. Conwy (23)
14. Flintshire (12)
15. Clwyd (4)
So, we know what happens now.
Clwyd. After the public votes have been counted, they have decided to award you with… 32 points.
Flintshire. You have received… 23 points.
Conwy. The public have given you… 75 points. They go third, though won’t be remaining there.
Denbighshire. You are getting… 21 points.
Pembrokeshire. You got, from the public vote… 35 points. Flintshire are now condemned to a last-placed finish.
Gwynedd. You are receiving… 72 points. They go second, but will do well to stay so high.
Vale of Glamorgan. The public award you… 53 points.
Monmouthshire. You got… 58 points. They go level in third.
Gwent. The audiences at home have awarded you with… 52 points. They are now second.
South Glamorgan. The public have given you… 61 points. Shirley is now top, but winning would be almost impossible for her.
Torfaen. You will receive… 74 points. They now lead by 33 points.
Rhondda-Cynon-Taf. This could be the big one. The public have given you…
… 125 points! The Stereophonics will finish with 216 points, but will it be enough to win?
West Glamorgan. You have received from the public vote… 76 points.
Cardiff has borne vastly more fruit for Bonnie than Malmo did, but she won’t be winning.
Anglesey. You have received, from the public…
… 47 points! As expected, the televoters weren’t quite as generous, and Aled can now finish no higher than fourth.
And so, as the standard split-screen appears, Sir Tom has to score a minimum of 91 points to win the contest overall. Will he do it? Time to find out.
Mid Glamorgan. The public have decided to award you with…
…
… 133 points!!! He jumps up and hugs his team in celebration. In typical nonchalant Kelly Jones fashion, he sticks his finger up at the camera with a smirk, although they do offer a half-hearted clap to a singer whom they’ve been known to duet alongside, and whose songs they have covered, and no doubt they all still hold personal friendships.
Here’s how they finish:
1. Mid Glamorgan (259)
2. Rhondda-Cynon-Taf (216)
3. West Glamorgan (169)
4. Torfaen (164)
5. Anglesey (151)
6. South Glamorgan (131)
7. Gwent (114)
8. Gwynedd (108)
9. Monmouthshire (105)
10. Conwy (98)
11. Vale of Glamorgan (93)
12. Pembrokeshire (61)
13. Denbighshire (51)
14. Clwyd (36)
15. Flintshire (35)
And here’s the final televote table:
1. Mid Glamorgan (133)
2. Rhondda-Cynon-Taf (125)
3. West Glamorgan (76)
4. Conwy (75)
5. Torfaen (74)
6. Gwynedd (72)
7. South Glamorgan (61)
8. Monmouthshire (58)
9. Vale of Glamorgan (53)
10. Gwent (52)
11. Anglesey (47)
12. Clwyd (32)
13. Pembrokeshire (26)
14. Flintshire (23)
15. Denbighshire (21)
So, did the results go mostly as I expected? More or less. Sir Tom was always the most likely winner, albeit with some worthy competition. Whilst Aled might have been expecting to capitulate when it came to the public vote, the manner by which it happened may have taken him by shock. Duffy’s relatively low finish was slightly surprising, and Feeder will rue not being able to send “Buck Rogers”, knowing their albeit reasonably strong mid-table finish could have been a title push.
For those of you who prefer the 2016-18 system, whereby the televote points are announced in reverse order of where the public placed them, rather than the juries, here’s how it would have panned out: Aled’s chances are ended pretty quickly. Dame Shirley, barely scraping a top-half finish with the public, kisses her hopes Goodbye soon after. Third with the televoters, Bonnie goes top but is simultaneously ruled out of contention. And so, with the Stereophonics needing not only to win the jury vote, but also to score at least 35 points more than Sir Tom, we know the rest.
And as for who I think would win if they were all new compositions by previously unknown or lesser-known artists? Sir Tom, along with Bonnie and Shirley, would have still been jury favourites – known to be more partial than the public to the “oldies”, with Aled the likely winner. With no obvious favourite, Dakota and Monster would be likely to form their own mini-league at the top – could this have pushed either over the edge? It may just depend on whether the juries held them back too much. Essentially, no obvious winner.
And so, that brings my Celtic Counties Contest to a close. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading them! But what do you think? Who would have won? Would my predictions be mostly accurate? Anyone I’ve forgotten? In any case, I hope you enjoyed reading, and will continue to read my future articles. And if you really enjoyed it, why not share it on your socials, or with someone you know who may be as big a Eurovision nerd as I am? Anyway, in any case, have a great day. Ciao for now, Eurofans!
