Seeing as you enjoyed my first article in this three-part series so much (I’d like to think, anyway), it’s now time for Part Two. Moving just across the Irish sea – from the Emerald Isle, to Caledonia. Or Alba, if you prefer. Which you probably don’t. Either of them. You’d probably prefer, infact, if I referred to it by its much more commonly known name, which is, of course, Scotland. The land of bagpipes, haggis and the SNP… well, nowhere is perfect.
You’ll have to bear with me on this one – it’s a lot more complicated than the Irish Contest I brought you a month ago.
So, there were once 34 historic counties which made up Scotland. There are now 32 council areas (or subdivisions, as Wikipedia prefers). Ironically, it wasn’t a case of simply dropping the two weakest links (goodbye), as it were. The respective lists are markedly different.
The furthest south, Dumfries and Galloway, was formerly made up of Kirkcudbrightshire and Wigtownshire (now the Galloway part), and the old Dumfriesshire. And in the north, the Highland and Islands council area consists of the historic counties of Caithness, Inverness-shire, Nairnshire, Ross & Cromarty and Sutherland. The Western Isles – also known as the Outer Hebrides – are now split between Ross & Cromarty, and Inverness-shire.
And as for what is often referred to as the Grampian region – well, I can’t begin to get my head around it, so I’ll just let Wikipedia do the talking (which means it cannot possibly be even remotely inaccurate, of course):
It takes its name from the historic county of Aberdeenshire, which had substantially different boundaries. The Aberdeenshire Council area includes all of the areas of the historic counties of Aberdeenshire and Kincardineshire except the area making up Aberdeen City Council area, as well as part of Banffshire. The historic county boundaries are still officially used for a few purposes, namely land registration and lieutenancy.
As for the best of the rest? Well, there’s also Moray (once known as Morayshire, which was once known as Elgin, which also dropped the -shire… yes, even I’m getting bored now; I’m not surprised you are) – so I’ll just finish by saying it’s a small county in between Aberdeenshire and Highland.
The Scottish Borders – who are not competing at all – were formerly made up of Berwickshire (named after a town which is actually in England, although their football team competes in Scotland – go figure…), and Peeblesshire, Roxburghshire and Selkirkshire. There’s also Clackmannanshire – a very small area which lies somewhere between Fife, Perth & Kinross and Stirlingshire.
Finally, I must not forget the Shetland & Orkney Islands – both of which are counties in their own right. With a combined population of around 45,000, it probably won’t come as a surprise to you that neither of them will be sending their own entries. But then, has that ever stopped San Marino?
Perhaps the only simple thing about all this is that all of the counties/areas that do not have an entrant – or cannot compete under someone else’s geographical banner – will have their own separate vote. Those of you who have read my previous articles who know how this works already, but if not, or in case you’ve forgotten, here’s how:
All of the public votes from the non-participating counties above will be added together into a separate set of votes. Each county will get a minimum of ten additional points depending on where they finish in the non-participant vote. So, the last-placed county will gain ten points, second-from-bottom will receive 20 points, and so on and so forth until the highest-placed county, who will receive the maximum 160 points available. Their votes will be announced, in reverse order, between the juries and televoters.
Anyway, without further ado, here are the entrants and the songs they will be performing, for the counties they will be representing, in the order they will be performing on the night (once again, there are no semi-finals).
- NORTH LANARKSHIRE – Travis: “Sing”
My favourite band as a 15-year-old – when this song was in the charts – “Why Does it Always Rain on Me?” may be their best-known single, but this was their most successful – reaching number 3 on the UK charts in June 2001. The main question is if they’ll be able to recreate the famous food fight from the video on stage; as they did for their Top of the Pops performance. If they can, the televoters are sure to respond. Victorious in a Battle-of-the-Bands style County Final, ahead of Texas, Hue and Cry, and 80’s singer Sheena Easton.
2. STIRLINGSHIRE – Cocteau Twins: “Pearly Dewdrops Drops”
Hailing from the Grangemouth/Falkirk area, they split up in 1997 after 18 years of touring and recording; which included 9 albums and 19 singles. Elisabeth Fraser – the female half of the couple who masterminded their success – will perform the song solo. After her and Robin Guthrie broke up, the Cocteau Twins as was, unfortunately paid the price, along with their relationship. It is yet to be confirmed whether she’ll perform with a session band in stage, or by herself to a backing track, but either way, she won’t be expecting a big haul of points from juries or public. Internally selected.
3. PERTHSHIRE – Belle & Sebastian: “Funny Little Frog”
Now known (in government department terms, at least) as Perth & Kinross – to include the former county of Kinross-shire. Before you ask “which one is which?” – there’s no actual Belle and/or Sebastian in the band – there is, infact, seven of them! In a career spanning over 30 years, they’ve recorded 12 albums and more than 20 singles. Drummer Richard is the only native to the county from the current line-up (that’s how hard it was to find connections to some of the counties). Their County Final consisted of a gig featuring 7 of their most successful singles – with “Funny Little Frog” a slender victor over “Legal Man” and “I’m a Cuckoo”. One of the more ‘indie’ type entries, plus being on so early in the show, it’s likely to struggle at the wrong end of the table.
4. DUNBARTONSHIRE – Wet Wet Wet: “Goodnight Girl”
I know what you’re thinking – why not their 15-week number one (beaten only to the record by Bryan Adams 3 years prior)? Well, little known fact; it’s actually a cover – originally by the Troggs – the same band who brought us “Wild Thing” in the 60’s. Still, with a sizeable fanbase, a steady flow of points from both juries and public is likely. Kevin Simm – former member of Liberty X who also won the Voice UK in 2016 – will be leading the line, after former singer Marti Pellow left the band the year after Simm’s victory. Their place was far from certain, however; Amy MacDonald, Del Amitri, Franz Ferdinand and former Eurovision joint-winner Lulu all had to be seen off in their County Final.
5. FIFE – Skids: “Into the Valley”
A song I discovered when it was the theme-tune to Sky Sports’ Football League programme in the early-00’s, they hail from a town that I mainly know because of its football team (Dunfermline – I guess that’s enough football references for now). By far their most iconic and successful hit, it’s not a winner, but may be rewarded much higher by the public. Internally selected.
6. RENFREWSHIRE – Paolo Nutini: “Last Request”
Four albums and 13 singles on from his smash hit debut, he has had many other memorable songs in that time, but never come close to bettering his UK chart high of Number 5 in 2006. His name may sounds obviously Italian – his father hails from Tuscany – but he grew up in Paisley. Likely to be rewarded highly, particularly by the juries, though perhaps not a winner. In their County Final, he overcame Simple Minds with their classic “Alive and Kicking” in a two-way online only vote.
7. AYRSHIRE – Biffy Clyro: “Mountains”
Their song “Many of Horror” being covered by 2010 x-factor winner Matt Cardle (renamed to the slightly more appealing “When We Collide”) may have helped propel them to super-stardom, but let’s not pretend they weren’t already an established band in their own right with plenty of hits (before and after). This one – “Mountains” – is likely to be received much better by the public than the juries. Their County Final was effectively a battle of the frontmen – all three of them with local connections despite their bandmates being from variable other places – Simon Neil and Biffy Clyro saw off competition from Roddy Woomble and Idlewild, and Colin Hay and Men at Work (the rest of whom are actually Australian)!
8. ARGYLL & BUTE – Skerryvore: “Take My Hand”
Previously separate counties with the -shire suffix (yes, you’ve guessed correctly; they both dropped theirs). Having discovered their music at a festival in Durham a few years ago (I didn’t catch their set as they clashed with another band, but I did check them out afterwards), their gigs since then have included a prestigious set at the Six Nations Match at Edinburgh’s Murrayfield when their nation played Ireland in the 2023 Six Nations. Named after a lighthouse on the remote island of the same name (which is also part of the county they’re representing), they had a number 1 single in 2020 with “Everyday Heroes” – the charity single raising money for NHS staff during the COVID pandemic – but “Take My Hand” is their signature tune. Internally selected.
9. DUMFRIES & GALLOWAY – Calvin Harris: “I’m Not Alone”
With his smash hit “One Kiss” (his duet with Dua Lipa) not eligible due to already being shortlisted for one of my future Eurovision contests (that’s as much as I can give away on that), his first of ten number one singles from 2009 is his entry. Remarkably, despite having a population of less than 150,000 people, he wasn’t the first person from the county to have a number one single – that accolade belongs to Bill Drummond from the KLF, followed by Ray Wilson from Stiltskin with their grunge-ballad “Inside” from May 1994. In their County Final – in which all three competed with their respective number ones – Calvin’s over-whelming televote victory saw him through to the contest, where a similar fate may well await him. But will the juries be quite as generous?
10. EAST LOTHIAN – Callum Beattie: “Salamander Street”
Becoming a YouTube sensation with his first single – an anti-Brexit/-Boris sentiment called, um, the Boris song – he may well be lamenting the fact that the political nature of the song makes it ineligible. “Salamander Street”, by comparison – number 6 in his native Scotland and number 49 in the UK download charts – is unlikely to be received as well by juries and public alike. Internally selected.
11. WEST LOTHIAN – Lewis Capaldi: “Someone You Loved”
There was no question that he would make a triumphant return from his recent hiatus due to mental health struggles, including Tourette’s Syndrome, that have blighted his (albeit very successful) career. But could the return become even more triumphant? He is arguably the favourite for victory. No doubt it’ll be a jury smash, and it could be a close-run thing with Calvin for the public crown. But will he take the overall crown? Convincing winner over fellow solo artists Nina Nesbitt, Leon Jackson and Susan Boyle in their County Final.
12. ANGUS – KT Tunstall: “Suddenly I See”
Including the former county of Forfarshire (Fife 4 Forfar 5 – anyone remember?), she overcame competition from Danny Wilson, the View and the Average White Band in their County Final. Having built a considerable fanbase since breaking through with her famous Jools Holland performance – now over 20 years ago – she should score steadily with juries and public alike.
13. ABERDEENSHIRE – Annie Lennox: “No More I Love Yous”
She’s had numerous iconic singles – both as a solo artist and with her former band, the Eurythmics, but this remains her most successful by UK chart standards. Will undoubtedly win the juries over, but questions remain about the televoters who may prefer the more modern, upbeat entries. Sandi Thom, Emeli Sande and The Shamen all provided stiff competition in their County Final, but her extensive fanbase would ultimately prove lucrative.
14. SOUTH LANARKSHIRE – Midge Ure: “If I Was”
Like their neighbours from the north, they had a Battle of the Bands style County Final, with Aztec Camera, the Jesus and Mary Chain and Primal Scream among the line-up, with Jimmy Somerville also making an appearance. Being my biggest musical idol, I have to try and keep my statements unbiased here. Bear with me – it may not be easy. Number One in 1985 – compensating, if only to some extent, for “Vienna” being pipped at the post by Joe Dolce five years earlier – arguably on par with “Sit Down” by James losing out to Chesney Hawkes as the greatest injustice in British chart history. It may not set the scoreboard alight as it would’ve in the 80’s – outdated compared to some of the entries – but although his OBE status does not give him any special privileges, his celebrity status will at least guarantee him some points.
15. HIGHLAND – Runrig: “Hearts of Olden Glory”
Over-whelming victor in a traditional Scottish-flavoured County Final, featuring Celtic-/Gaelic-folk singer Julie Fowlis and eclectic fusion band Niteworks. Considered by many to be the ultimate, quintessentially Scottish band, they were formed in 1973 on the Isle of Skye by brothers Rory and Calum MacDonald, and despite finally calling it quits in 2018 (a run of 45 years!), they’ll be tempted to bring some of their old bandmates out of retirement for one last hurrah (specifically, this contest) – one of which, incidentally, is Scottish MP, Peter Wishart – but which of them will appear on stage alongside the brothers remains to be seen. Their biggest hit was the folk song “Loch Lomond” – recorded and then re-recorded in 2007 with Scotland football supporters group, the Tartan Army, but for obvious reasons, they would not have been able to enter with this.
16, MIDLOTHIAN – Bay City Rollers: “Bye Bye, Baby”
Still gigging and touring regularly after forming more than 60 years ago, none of the original members are still part of the current line-up (some, sadly, are no longer with us), although frontman Stuart Wood has been leading the line – balancing a solo career in the process – for almost 55 years. Perhaps “Bye Bye Baby” being the song to close the show is a bit of a cliché, but hey, clichés work. Sadly for them, however, older bands tend to get forgotten by the televoters, which they will most likely find out the hard way. Plus being on last is never helpful – just ask Kaleen and Mae Muller. A surprise winner in their County Final ahead of the Proclaimers’ sing-along classic “A Thousand Miles”.
My prediction is that Lewis Capaldi will win – quite possibly by doing a Jamala, finishing second with both votes. Annie Lennox is the most obvious jury winner, with Calvin Harris more likely to excite the televoters.
The venue will be the Hydro Arena (formerly known as the SECC – Scottish Exhibition & Conference Centre) – which, as many of you will remember, was the over-whelming bookies’ favourite to host Eurovision in 2023 before being pipped at the post by Liverpool (they’ll have to settle for a fictional contest instead). The presenters will be long-time BBC favourite Lorraine Kelly, and former Rangers and Scotland footballer, Ally McCoist – a popular pundit since his retirement from the game in 2001 (although he went into management for his beloved Rangers from 2011-2014). Much-loved actor and comedian, Billy Connolly, will be helping out in the green room – providing us with some always-needed laughter in between times.
If you’d like to watch the whole thing for yourself, please see the YouTube playlist linked below:
Please be aware that Runrig’s video actually stops at 4:46 – despite being listed as going on for 6 minutes and 4 seconds.
Travis opened the show by expertly recreating the food fight from their video. With the iconic Eden Project in Cornwall as a backdrop, Paolo gave a fittingly unique acoustic performance.
Biffy Clyro all performed topless (I did it with my band sometimes – it was great fun, even though I never really had the body for it). The crowd seemed to enjoy it, and they were showered in ticker tape from the Middle 8. Calvin appeared with a full band on stage (and the iconic fluorescent drawing of his face on a t-shirt) – being a DJ by trade, this may not have been what the audience were expecting, but they responded positively nonetheless.
Lewis performed a piano-only version of his song – two keys lower than the recorded version. This didn’t hold him back – the crowd reverberating every word around the arena. KT Tunstall used a loop pedal for her performance – pretty sure that’s against the rules, but they seem to go out the window in these contests.
Annie wore a sparkly-blue Minnie Mouse hat (her backing singers sported a similar look, but were all dressed in black, along with what appeared to be a Union Jack bow-tie on their heads), before the Bay City Rollers said “bye bye baby” to everyone in style.
So with the jury votes verified, we’re good to… ah.
After three counties voting, Dunbartonshire, South Lanarkshire and West Lothian are level at the top, and every county has at least one point. At the halfway point, Lewis now leads by 7 points, with Midge, Annie and Wet Wet Wet all within touching distance. Giving Dunbartonshire 8 points, his lead is cut down to a single point, but with Dunbartonshire failing to score with Angus, another 12 means he’s temporarily uncatchable. With two counties left to vote, he crosses the 100-point mark and now has a 14-point lead. Failing to score with the Highlands, his lead is reduced to 6 points going into the final round, but with maximum points from neighbours Midlothian, he wins the jury vote by 9 points.
Here’s how the juries voted:
1. West Lothian (116)
2. Dumfries & Galloway (107)
3. Dunbartonshire (96)
4. Aberdeenshire (89)
5. Angus (77)
6. South Lanarkshire (73)
7. North Lanarkshire (67)
8. Renfrewshire (61)
9. Midlothian (47)
10. Ayrshire (46)
11. Highland (43)
12. Fife (33)
13. East Lothian (29)
14. Argyll & Bute (26)
15. Perthshire (10)
16. Stirlingshire (8)
Time now for the non-participants’ vote.
In 16th place, with 10 points… Fife.
In 15th place, with 20 points… Midlothian.
In 14th place, with 30 points… Highland.
In 13th place, with 40 points… East Lothian.
In 12th place, with 50 points… South Lanarkshire. Which means they go top, but probably not for very long.
In 11th place, with 60 points… Dunbartonshire. Not very long at all; as they are immediately overtaken.
In 10th place, with 70 points… Argyll & Bute. They go fifth.
In 9th place, with 80 points… Stirlingshire. The last-placed county with the juries move into the top half.
In 8th place, with 90 points… Angus. They now lead.
In 7th place, with 100 points… Perthshire. They are now fourth.
In 6th place, with 110 points… North Lanarkshire. We have a new leader.
In 5th place, with 120 points… Ayrshire. They go a point behind in third.
In 4th place, with 130 points… Renfrewshire. They now lead by 14 points.
In 3rd place, with 140 points… Aberdeenshire! Becoming the first county to cross the 200-point barrier, Annie leads by 38 points, and will go into the televote as the leader.
In 2nd place, with 150 points…
West Lothian! Lewis is just three points behind Annie. Still too close to call a winner at this stage, however.
Which means, of course, the winner of the non-participant vote is… Dumfries & Galloway!!! Calvin falls two points short, but it could hardly be any closer at the top – with only 3 points separating the top three. The public vote has never been more critical. Not that it ever isn’t.
Here’s how they now stand:
1. Aberdeenshire (229)
2. Dumfries & Galway (227)
3. West Lothian (226)
4. Renfrewshire (191)
5. North Lanarkshire (177)
6. Angus (167)
7. Ayrshire (166)
8. Dunbartonshire (156)
9. South Lanarkshire (123)
10. Perthshire (110)
11. Argyll & Bute (96)
12. Stirlingshire (88)
13. Highland (73)
14. East Lothian (69)
15. Midlothian (67)
16. Fife (43)
We now what happens now, and how it works, so here goes:
Fife. After the public vote, they have decided to award you with… 60 points.
Midlothian. You have received… 31 points.
East Lothian. The public give you… 44 points.
Highland. You are getting… 29 points.
Stirlingshire. You will receive… 23 points.
Argyll & Bute. They public award you… 42 points.
Perthshire. You’ve got… 40 points.
South Lanarkshire. The public give you… 43 points.
Dunbartonshire. You have received… 37 points.
Ayrshire. The public have decided that you should get…
… 108 points! We have a new leader. Biffy will be under no illusions, however; they’re highly unlikely to win.
Angus. The audiences at home have given you… 89 points. They fall 18 points shy of victory.
North Lanarkshire. You will receive… 70 points. They are now third, but will finish no higher.
Renfrewshire. You got… 89 points. They now lead, but it probably won’t be sufficient to remain there.
Here’s where it gets most exciting; the big 3 – effectively forming their own mini-league with only 3 points separating them before the public votes were added – will now be awarded their points.
Starting with West Lothian. Lewis looks apprehensive. You have received, from the public vote…
… 131 points!!! It’s enough to give him the lead, but will it be enough to win?
Dumfries & Galloway. The audience has awarded you with…
… 93 points!!!
A wry smile from Calvin, knowing second is now the best he could be celebrating.
And so, the time has come. The title will be won by either Lewis Capaldi – the current leader for West Lothian – or Annie Lennox and Aberdeenshire, who must score at least 129 points.
Here we go. Annie-berdeen-shire. The public have given you…
*pauses for around 15 seconds*
… 57 points!!!!!
Annie looks deflated, but still applauds graciously.
Which means Lewis Capaldi and West Lothian are the winners. He hugs his team in celebration as he gets ready to make his way to the stage and repeat his winning song.
Here’s how they finish:
1. West Lothian (357)
2. Dumfries & Galway (320)
3. Aberdeenshire (286)
4. Renfrewshire (280)
5. Ayrshire (274)
6. Angus (256)
7. North Lanarkshire (247)
8. Dunbartonshire (193)
9. South Lanarkshire (166)
10. Perthshire (150)
11. Argyll & Bute (138)
12. East Lothian (113)
13. Stirlingshire (111)
14. Fife (103)
15. Highland (102)
16. Midlothian (98)
The results went mostly as I expected, with the possible exception of Biffy finishing so highly with the televoters. As for who I think would win if they were all new compositions by previously unknown or lesser-known artists? It’s still likely Lewis would have won, with Annie being similarly appreciated by the juries. Calvin’s song being vastly less catchy than some of his other hits – and with more of an archetypal dance record structure than a conventional Eurovision hit – would not have been able to rely on the his fanbase in the televote.
For those of you who preferred the 2016-18 system; whereby the televote scores are announced by where the public placed them, rather than the juries, here’s how it would have gone. Not a great deal to report, although Midge’s early elimination came as a disappointment to me personally, as you can imagine. Wet Wet Wet’s hopes are also ended relatively early, which I wasn’t exactly overjoyed with either. It wasn’t until we moved into the top half that Annie’s hopes came crashing down.
Interestingly, Fife – who were next up – finished a place higher in the televote (albeit by only 3 points) than the current leader, although soon to be knocked off her perch. Angus & Renfrewshire both fall short, before Annie is eventually overtaken by Calvin, who is simultaneously ruled out of contention. Biffy, despite a dramatically improved televote score, know that it won’t be enough as Lewis will gain the minimum number of points required to take home the trophy.
And so, that brings Part Two of the Celtic Counties Contest to a close. And if you know your British countries well, and have been following my page and reading my most recent articles, you’ll know which one is coming next (and last). But what do you think? Who would have won? Would my predictions be mostly accurate? Anyone I’ve forgotten? In any case, I hope you enjoyed reading, and will continue to read my future articles. And if you really enjoyed it, why not share it on your socials, or with someone you know who may be as big a Eurovision nerd as I am? Anyway, have a great day. Ciao for now, Eurofans!
