It’s now the turn of Africa for their all-star, fantasy contest as part of my “Bigger is Better?” series.
If you wish to see the other contests I am referring to, please see below:
Europe – https://eurovishaun.co.uk/?page_id=40
Americas – https://eurovishaun.co.uk/?p=68
Only 20 nations are present in this contest, meaning that, as with the North/South America contest previously, there will be no semi-finals.
The contest will be held at the Ticketpro Dome in Johannesburg, and the hosts are John Fashanu – former England footballer who has presented the Nigerian version of Deal or No Deal – and Julia Stuart, a radio DJ in Cape Town. As for the dates, well, it’s fictional so, um, use your imagination.
The rules are the same as my previous contests. Each competing artist must be either born, have lived at some point during their childhood, or have some relatively recent ancestral blood to the nation they are representing. The song that each artist submits is, to the best of my knowledge at the time, their most successful single. As before, we will pretend that their most successful song (which will be their entry) has been previously unreleased.
Some songs will exceed the maximum three-minute time limit permitted under contest rules, and will need to be shortened for their performance on the night. Countries are free to sing in whatever language they like, although most are likely to sing in English.
Here are the artists who will represent their respective nations, in order of their performance on Grand Final night:
1. LIBYA – IIO: “Rapture”
Lead singer Nadia Ali could just as validly have competed for Pakistan in the Asian contest – with one parent from each nation. It reached number 2 on the UK chart, and although it won’t be considered “number two” by most of the African audiences, it’ll struggle to hit the same heights and should rely on most of its points from the juries. Internally selected.
2. SOUTH AFRICA – John Kongos: “He’s Gonna Step on You Again”
Before you ask, no; this is not a Happy Mondays song. Well, it is. But Mr. Kongos wrote and recorded it first, and had a single in the UK charts – peaking at number 4 in 1971. Such a high placing in this chart, however, seems unlikely to be repeated. Shaun Ryder attempted to launch a legal claim against the song being used – claiming he wrote it, but was eventually forced to apologise as it was found, to nobody’s surprise, that he was drunk when making such claims on his X page. Internally selected.
3. GAMBIA – J Hus: “Must be”
A controversial character who, it must be said, is no stranger to the Old Bill. The song and artist will no doubt divide opinion, with strong references to the issues involving individuals of colour being treated less favourably. It seems likely the juries will not be so compassionate, but the televoters will. Internally selected.
4. CAPE VERDE – Tavares: “Heaven Must be Missing an Angel”
Known until recently as the Cape Verde Islands, 1970’s disco band Tavares – consisting of five brothers – qualify due to their parental heritage. May score particularly highly among older viewers, but most of its points should come from the juries. A cheeky outside bet, perhaps? Internally selected.
5. MOROCCO – French Montana ft. Swae Lee: “Unforgettable”
Born in Casablanca, emigrating to New York in his early teens with his family, his stage name seems an anomaly as he’s neither French, nor appears to have any discernible connection to the state of Montana. He’ll be joined by Swae Lee on stage, who provided backing vocals for this single from 2017. One of the contest’s more non-descript, mid-tempo pop entries, it does little to live up to its title as it should be forgotten by many; unlikely to progress beyond the throes of mid-table mediocrity. Internally selected.
6. GUINEA – Mory Kante: “Yeke Yeke”
Another artist who has sadly left us since I began this project – his former bandmate, Salif Keita, offering to provide the vocals and instrumentation in his memory. Despite dear departed Mr. Kante’s popularity across the continent and the Muslim world, and being almost unquestionably the most traditional sounding song in the contest, a high placing among many more modern songs by popular artists, would seem a creditable achievement. Internally selected.
7. ALGERIA – Saint Etienne ft. Etienne Daho: “He’s on the Phone”
Number 11 on the UK charts in November 1995 – and one of my favourite dance hits as a 9-year-old (they remain one of my favourite bands today), none of the band have any links to the Africa’s largest nation by landmass, but Etienne Daho, who wrote the original version of the song in French over a decade prior, does – born in Oran in the north of the country. Unlikely to be one of the front-runners, although the fellow former French colonies may be reasonably generous. Internally selected.
8. NIGERIA – Tinie Tempah: “Pass Out”
In quite easily the biggest and most watched of all the National Finals, entries came forth from Sade, Tunde from the Lighthouse Family, Taio Cruz (another London boy but with a mother from Nigeria and a father from Brazil), and Shirley Bassey, but the clear winner with the televoters was Patrick Chukwuemeka Okogwu – aka Tinie Tempah, with his song “Pass Out”. Likely to score highly, but the lack of a tuneful element, particularly in the chorus, may hold it back.
9. ETHIOPIA – Gogol Bordello: “Start Wearing Purple”
A seemingly bizarre inclusion for a band that are predominantly of American and Ukrainian ethnicity, but bass player Thomas Gobena was born and raised in Addis Ababa. Currently working on their tenth album, they’ve gained fans across the globe, but are unlikely to gain a huge number of points, although they could benefit from a substantially improved televote score. Internally selected.
10. SENEGAL – Akon: “Sexy Chick”
Beating Youssou N’Dour in their National Final, one of his many songs to have achieved international recognition – and partnered by French dance icon, David Guetta, whom it is yet to be known if he’ll be joining Akon on stage. A contender for victory, although some of the language in the song will need to be amended for the night.
11. KENYA – Roger Whittaker: “The Last Farewell”
His story could be described as the “other way around” from many other entrants. A native, along with his family, of Staffordshire, they moved to Kenya when he was a young child. He’s also the oldest entrant in the contest – 86 at the time of writing. A largely forgotten ballad from the mid-70’s, it will gain points from the juries, and possibly a few televotes from some of the older viewers, but should be similarly forgotten on the night. Internally selected.
12. GHANA – Stormzy: “Vossi Bop”
Few rappers rank higher than South London’s Stormzy (I won’t attempt to type his full name) – and that’s not simply due to the fact he measures at a staggering 6’5″. We’re still not entirely sure what Vossi Bop means, but we’re sure that he’ll be a firm favourite, particularly with the televoters. Emerged the clear winner from a National Final which included Loic Essien, amongst others.
13. TANZANIA – Queen: “We Will Rock You”
Farouk Bulsara – known to you and I as Freddie Mercury – was born in Zanzibar, to Parsi-Indian parents. Not an independent nation, but eligible to compete under their motherland, Tanzania. Mr. Mercury, of course, was another of the competing artists to have left us long before his time, but Adam Lambert, who has been their frontman for over ten years now, will be deputising. Easily the most renowned of all the competing entries, the anti-LGBT sentiment among some African audiences may hold it back, but if not, it looks a certain winner. It could be more a case of “We are the Champions” at the end of the evening.
14. CAMEROON – Wes: “Alane”
This song hit Number 11 in the UK charts in February 1998 and later that year, he also recorded his country’s song for their World Cup campaign. Despite his popularity among much of Western Africa, he’s unlikely to be challenging for the trophy in this particular contest. Was a surprise winner over Erykah Badu in their National Final.
15. ZAMBIA – Emeli Sande: “Next to Me”
One of 2012’s most played and loved songs, the Aberdeenshire native of Zambian heritage is a sure-fire success with the juries, but may be let down by the televoters who may not give quite so generously. Narrowly pipped Rozalla with her 1991 dance epic “Everybody’s Free to Feel Good” in their National Final.
16. SOMALIA – K’naan: “Waving Flags”
You probably remember this song from the 2010 World Cup in South Africa – it was used by Coca-Cola as its promotional anthem. The Canadian of Somali descent – Keinan Abdi Warsame – subsequently achieved worldwide success with this song, but will be unlikely to achieve the same success in this contest – even if a solid, upper-midtable showing seems well within his grasp. Internally selected.
17. MAURITIUS – J.Balvin & Willy William: “Mi Gente”
J. Balvin is from Colombia, Willy William – his real name (according to Wikipedia, which leaves no margin for error, obviously) was born in France to Mauritian parents. Bouncy, repetitive, impossible to sit still to, it’s the sort of song that gets stuck in your head very easily – for better or (far more likely) worse – which should help the island, lying just over a thousand kilometres east of Madagascar (a slightly larger island) to a good result in the final. Internally selected.
18. MALI – Amadou & Mariam: “Sabali”
Husband and wife team Amadou and Mariam may not have hit the UK charts to date, but their various collaborations with artists such as Manu Chao and Sofi Tukker – and most notably, their onstage duets with Damon Albarn of Blur and Gorillaz fame, make them eligible upon appeal, as it were (although it’s unlikely he’ll be joining them on stage for this one). The only Francophone (French-speaking) entry – which is surprising as, for much of the continent, it’s their first language. And whilst this may help them in their quest for points, this distinctly electronic tune will be likely to struggle in a predominantly mainstream environment. Internally selected.
19. UGANDA – Michael Kiwanuka: “Home Again”
Another North London boy, with three UK top 5 albums under his belt – one of which hit the top spot. He also performed the song used by ITV for their coverage of the delayed 2020 European Championship. The title track from his debut album, it’s a likeable ballad, but unlikely to trouble the scoreboard in the same way as his albums. Internally selected.
20. ZIMBABWE – S1mba & DTG: “Rover”
It’s Swin-babwe! Leonard Rwodzi – S1mba (no, it isn’t a not-very-cleverly disguised Lion King reference; Simbarashe is actually his middle name) – actually hails from Swindon, but was born in Harare. One of the more downbeat hip-hop entries, it ensures the show ends with a whimper rather than a bang. Not expected to win, but may do decidedly better with the televoters. Swin-ternally selected (sorry).
Zambia and Senegal are likely to be battling it out for top spot with the juries. UK rap artists Tinie Tempah and Stormzy (Nigeria and Ghana respectively) are likely to make substantial gains with the televoters, but with a huge international fanbase, and a song that can best be described as iconic, Tanzania seem like the obvious winners. Although there is the possibility that dear old Freddie (no longer with us but still very much the face of the band), won’t be the most popular figure in certain parts of the continent. At the bottom, John from South Africa, Roger from Kenya and Michael from Uganda are likely to be scrapping to avoid the dreaded wooden spoon.
I have made the arguably controversial decision to discount countries from voting for each other if they have fought a war within the last 50 years (or thereabouts, with some room for exception). Does it always work this way in Eurovision? Perhaps not, but as we all know, citizens of Azerbaijan have been questioned by their Ministry of National Security, and that was in the televote, so woe betide any jury member that decides to vote for a nation with whom their governments aren’t on speaking terms, and in some parts of the world, tensions can run even deeper.
If you wish to watch the contest yourself, see my YouTube playlist here:
IIO opened the show with topless male dancers chained to the stage (it’ll become a recurring theme in this contest), with her in a one-person sofa-chair (before soon getting up and dancing) and him in a fluorescent green shirt. John Kongos, next up, kept things rather more simple – dark lighting with a white light on him and his guitar at all times.
J-Hus was unable to perform his song on the night – with rumours of a backstage altercation, though this was never confirmed (Joost Klein, anyone?), so the video to his song was just used instead. Please be advised, this has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I couldn’t find a suitable live performance to use and I need a sufficient alibi.
With Etienne Daho himself (the only Algerian involved) not making an appearance, the similarly named band underwhelmed somewhat with some forgettable staging and woeful vocals from singer Sarah Cracknell. Tinie & Labrinth did a much better job of exciting the crowd, as did David & Akon – his rather clichéd Call & Response was technically against contest rules as it wasn’t part of the original submitted recording. But I’m sure they’ll let it slide.
Among the favourites, Stormzy performs his song topless (don’t worry – I told you it’d be a recurring theme) with kids on bicycles on stage (OK, now I’m starting to worry). Adam Lambert enters with a Union Jack as a substitute for a t-shirt (the whole topless thing is getting a bit boring now, I know). Emeli, meanwhile, puts in a professional performance as you’d expect, with her backing band and singers going on long after she’s left the stage.
What Wes lacked in staging – just a big screen of him and his dancers – he made up for in the form of a flashy suit featuring traditional artwork (well, I assume it is – my knowledge of Cameroonian art isn’t the strongest, I must admit). Mauritian participant Willy William did not appear on stage with J Balvin, but as with Etienne Daho earlier, this was not against the rules as he was involved in the original recording.
Michael Kiwanuka then treated us to some acoustic beauty with minimal, dark staging, before S1mba ended proceedings – wearing a blue, white and gold outfit (looking suspiciously like a character from Beauty and the Beast), while co-star DTG looked marginally more sensible – he had a purple jacket with hair to match.
Mr. Osterdahl (or an African equivalent of some description – there’s no ABU as far as I’m aware), utters his famous line, while letting us know a valid and verified jury vote has been received.
Here is how the juries voted:
1. Senegal (127)
2. Zambia (122)
3. Tanzania (102)
4. Nigeria (91)
5. Ghana (83)
6. Cape Verde (83)
7. Guinea (80)
8. Mali (66)
9. Libya (62)
10. Mauritius (58)
11. Uganda (55)
12. Cameroon (50)
13. Somalia (42)
14. Morocco (36)
15. Ethiopia (18)
16. Kenya (18)
17. Zimbabwe (16)
18. Algeria (16)
19. Gambia (12)
20. South Africa (8)
In a two-way tussle for the top, Senegal win by five points, with only two other nations crossing the 100-point barrier with the juries. With the confirmation of a valid and verified televote, we know what we are now.
We start with South Africa. After the public vote, they have decided to award you… 7 points. It is now almost certain that poor old Johnny Boy will finish last.
Gambia. The public have given you… 51 points.
Algeria. You have received… 16 points. Scoring the same number of points from both, they won’t finish last, but won’t be far above it.
Zimbabwe. The public gave you… 32 points.
Kenya. The public have given you… 11 points.
Ethiopia. You have received… 58 points.
Morocco. The public have given you… 48 points.
Somalia. You have received… 30 points.
Cameroon. You are getting… 50 points. The same amount with both. Very much a 50/50 split. Sorry, that was truly terrible. Let’s move on…
Uganda. The public have given you… 8 points. Always much more of a jury song. Still, a much better night for Michael than some would have expected.
Into the top half now. Mauritius. You are getting… 101 points! The first to score over a century with the televoters.
Libya. The public gave you… 19 points.
Mali. The public have awarded you… 52 points.
Guinea. You have received… 93 points! Well, perhaps the post-humous effect had more of an impact than expected. Although I hope that future contestants will not take it as advice.
Cape Verde. The public have given you… 43 points.
This could be big. Ghana. The audience at home have awarded you with….
… 103 points! Big, but it won’t be enough to win.
Nigeria. The public have given you… 91 points. Another nation to have scored the same number as their jury score.
And this could be even bigger. Tanzania. Get ready to receive…
*he pauses for around 8 seconds*
… 142 points!!!
We have a new leader, but do we also have our winner?
Zambia. The public are giving you…
*he pauses for around 12 seconds*
… 92 points.
Emeli now cannot win, but is guaranteed at least a top 3 finish.
And so, we’ve reached that pivotal moment. It’s between Queen from Tanzania, and Akon & David from Senegal, who must score a minimum of 119 points.
Everyone ready?
Senegal. The public have given you…
*pauses for around 15 seconds*
… 99 points!!!
It’s not enough. We have our winner. And indeed, it is… TANZANIA!!!! After reprising their winning song, they continue by playing, somewhat predictably, We Are the Champions. But who can blame them?
FINAL COMBINED TABLE
1. Tanzania (244)
2. Senegal (226)
3. Zambia (214)
4. Ghana (186)
5. Nigeria (182)
6. Guinea (173)
7. Mauritius (159)
8. Cape Verde (126)
9. Mali (118)
10. Cameroon (100)
11. Morocco (84)
12. Libya (81)
13. Ethiopia (76)
14. Somalia (72)
15. Gambia (63)
16. Uganda (63)
17. Zimbabwe (48)
18. Algeria (32)
19. Kenya (29)
20. South Africa (15)
And this is how the televote table finished:
1. Tanzania (142)
2. Ghana (103)
3. Mauritius (101)
4. Senegal (99)
5. Guinea (93)
6. Zambia (92)
7. Nigeria (91)
8. Ethiopia (58)
9. Mali (52)
10. Gambia (51)
11. Cameroon (50)
12. Morocco (48)
13. Cape Verde (43)
14. Zimbabwe (32)
15. Somalia (30)
16. Libya (19)
17. Algeria (16)
18. Kenya (11)
19. Uganda (8)
20. South Africa (7)
As for how it would have been different under the 2016-18 system? There’d have been little significant difference until Cape Verde’s points – as they go a point behind jury winners Senegal. Nigeria, and then Zambia, go top – becoming the first country to cross the 200-point barrier. Guinea go third, and then Senegal – the jury winners – go top but having finished fourth with the juries, can no longer win.
Mauritius, despite becoming the first country to score over 100 with the public, can now finish no higher than fifth. Immediately after, Ghana’s 103 points mean they can now finish no higher than third, leaving a situation in which Tanzania must score at least 124 points. And of course, we know what happens next.
As for which song would have won if they weren’t performed by artists with already existing fanbases? I can imagine it would be somewhat similar, although Sexy Chick, Pass Out and Next to Me may have had the edge over Queen as they are more modern pop songs which tend to do better in the Eurovision environment. But then, this is a different continent, with a subsequently different clientele.
Next up, and finally, it will be the Asian and Oceanic equivalent (that’s Australia, New Zealand and the Pacific Islands, for those of you not in the know). The article will be dropping in roughly a month’s time.
What do you think? Have I got the right winner, and have I forgotten anyone? Please let me know in the comments, and while you’re at it, if you haven’t liked, followed etc. – then why the hell not?! Also, would it be asking too much if you could perhaps share this with some of your Eurovision-loving friends who may be interested?
Anyway, thankyou all for reading, and as ever, I hope you’ve enjoyed it. Ciao for now, Eurofans.
