So, having previously brought you a contest for bands or artists from English counties, I decided to create an equivalent for each of the other UK/Irish nations (it was my plan all along). First, in this three-part series (the other two are coming in the following months), is the Emerald Isle.
I’d better get one important thing out of the way; yes, I know as well as anyone else, the name “Ireland” only effectively exists in Eurovision and Rugby Union circles.
Depending which side of the fence you sit on (if you know, you know), you may not acknowledge the existence (or the validity, at least) of Northern Ireland. It exists, indisputably, in political terms – it is governed by the United Kingdom (albeit with its own much-devolved parliamentary system). The rest of the country – to the south – is officially known as the Republic of Ireland (or Eire; it’s native-language, Gaelic name).
As Northern Ireland only contains six counties – whereas the Republic has 26 – it would make no particular sense to do two separate contests for each country. Ergo, it will be an all-inclusive contest in which all counties from both sides can participate. And no semi-finals.
There’s also the whole provincial thing. Four provinces separate the island into four unofficial regions. Ulster (all of Northern Ireland and a few of the surrounding counties), Munster (the south-west), Connacht (west) and the largest being Leinster (including the Dublin region – home to around a fifth of the population). Still not confused? Don’t worry. You will be.
There are a total of 32 counties across the two official nations. As only half of them have produced bands or artists whom have gone onto have hits in the UK charts (I’m sticking with the rules and guidelines I adopted for previous contests), the other half are not able to participate.
Here’s a list of the counties that missed out (I apologise if your county is one of them): Armagh, Carlow, Cavan, Clare, Kilkenny, Kerry, Laois, Leitrim, Longford, Mayo, Monaghan, Offaly, Roscommon, Tyrone.
These counties will still get to vote, however. All of the public votes from the non-participating counties above will be added together into a separate set of votes. Each county will get a minimum of ten additional points depending on where they finish in the non-participant vote. So, the last-placed county will gain ten points, second-from-bottom will receive 20 points, and so on and so forth until the highest-placed county, who will receive the maximum 180 points available. Their votes will be announced, in reverse order, between the juries and televoters.
Anyway, enough about the ones that didn’t make it; let’s take a look at the ones who did, and the artists that will represent them, in the order that they will perform on the night:
1. DERRY/LONDONDERRY – D:Ream: “Things Can Only Get Better”
Another county divided over its name due to identity politics, their County Final included punk-rockers the Undertones with their cult classic “Teenage Kicks” – over which this song was a slender victor. It was also famously used as New Labour’s song during their landslide victory campaign in 1997 (given the current situation, that’s probably the last I should mention of that). Aside from that, it was also one of 1994’s most successful, and iconic, singles, and as such should be among the favourites.
2. CORK – Frank & Walters: “After All”
Number 11 in the UK charts in 1991, this Smiths inspired indie-rock song is a contender to finish last – particularly as it’s due to perform in the dreaded second-place slot – although the juries may give it some amnesty. Originally formed by brothers Niall and Paul Linehan (Niall left in 2004), they have recorded 8 albums in a career spanning nearly 40 years. Internally selected.
3. WESTMEATH – Niall Horan: “Slow Hands”
The only Irish representative of One Direction, he may not be expecting the same level of success in this contest as they had in the charts – with this top 10 hit from 2017 – but any points he does receive will no doubt be dedicated to his departed bandmate, Liam Payne, who left us – in very tragic circumstances – in October last year. Internally selected.
4. WATERFORD – Gilbert O’Sullivan: “Get Down”
Sadly for dear old Gilbert, he won’t be able to replicate the staging from the Top of the Pops performance of his number one single in 1973 – limits on stage performers mean that the five very attractive ladies will be surplus to requirements – and as for the dogs, well, that doesn’t really need any explanation. Much more of a jury friendly song, this will no doubt hold him back when it comes to the public vote. Internally selected.
5. FERMANAGH – Divine Comedy: “National Express”
By far the most notable musical entity to come out of Enniskillen – a town of around only 14,000 people, you won’t be surprised to learn that they were internally selected. Lead singer Neil Hannon may perform the song solo, or with his backing band; being the only constant member since their inception in the late-80’s. The song, named after the UK’s largest long-distance coach travel company (it’s become my second home in recent years due to the amount of travelling I have done), seems likely to struggle at the wrong end of the table.
6. MEATH – Ronan Keating: “Life is a Roller-Coaster”
Co-presenter in Dublin for the 1997 contest, the principal singer of Boyzone needs little introduction if you’re a fan of Eurovision, or 90’s pop music. This song was written by US band the New Radicals, but they separated before they had the chance to release it. Their loss was Ronan’s gain (well, hardly a loss from a financial viewpoint) as it became his second UK number one in July 2000. His bandmates opted against entering for Dublin (they all grew up in the city, although Ronan spent some of his childhood in Meath; just north of the city limits) leaving him to compete unopposed for the county.
7. ANTRIM – Van Morrison: “Brown Eyed Girl”
Sir George, who recently celebrated his 80th birthday (his stage-name is abbreviated from Ivan – his middle name), appears to have a recipe for success with this sing-along hit from 1967 – although, somewhat remarkably, it only managed the lofty heights of number 60 in the UK some 46 years later. He’s always been much more of an albums man, though it did make the top 10 on the US Billboard Hot 100. Internally selected.
8. LOUTH – Corrs: “Breathless”
Their only UK number one single – although they went close with “Runaway” and “What Can I Do?” – the beautiful sisters; Andrea, Caroline and Shannon, are joined by their alright-looking brother Jim. Their popularity will gain them points, but the song itself may struggle to stand out amongst stronger contenders. Internally selected.
9. DONEGAL – Enya: “Orinocco Flow”
Spending 3 weeks at number one in the UK in 1988, it should be one of the obvious favourites by that token. In the context of this unique contest, however, there’s a lot more to be factored in. The juries will no doubt warm to it, but the public may find it a little outdated. Winner of a two-way online-only vote against Daniel O’Donnell; as most of his singles were cover versions, he entered the song he performed at his mother’s funeral at her request: “Beyond the Rainbow’s End”, and although it featured on his “Ultimate Collection” – number 7 in the UK album chart in 2011 – it was always unlikely to challenge Enya’s behemoth anthem.
10. DUBLIN – U2: “Beautiful Day”
Of all the rock and roll giants, they are the only ones (as far as I’m aware) to have spanned nearly half a century and still not made any line-up changes. Quite an achievement, but does that alone make them favourites to win with their song used as the theme-tune for ITV’s “the Premiership” (the replacement football highlights programme for BBC’s Match of the Day between 2001 and 2004)? Maybe not, but it’ll certainly be hard to beat. In an all-star, virtual Battle-of-the-Bands style final in the capital city, they overcame challenges from Fontaines DC, the Script, My Bloody Valentine, and the Boomtown Rats (yes, that’s Bob Geldof, of “Do they Know it’s Christmas?” and “I Don’t Like Mondays” fame). No mean feat, but never really in much doubt.
11. GALWAY – Saw Doctors: “To Win Just Once”
Hailing from the small town of Tuam, they’ve featured a grand total of 20 different members across their near-40 years. Their entry “To Win Just Once” was the second of two top 20 hits – both of which came in 1996 (although, as they’d probably be quick to point out, they’ve had three number one singles in their native Ireland). Unfortunately for them (and me, as it ranks as one of my personal favourites in the contest), it seems a strong possibility for a last-place finish – with points from the public likely to prove particularly hard to come by. Internally selected.
12. KILDARE – Damien Rice: “Cannonball”
No, you young whipper-snappers; this isn’t a Little Mix song. Not originally, at least. This acoustic, open-mic night favourite from 2004 should be popular with the juries, but may fall away when the public votes come in. Initially the singer of college band Juniper, he has contributed songs and performances to various charitable or political causes all over the world; including Tibet, Iceland and Australia. Internally selected.
13. TIPPERARY – Pogues ft. Dubliners: “Irish Rover”
Convincing winner in an online-only vote against Gemma Hayes, you might be wondering how they qualify – as the Dubliners hail from, well, Dublin (most of them, anyway). The Pogues’ original singer, Shane McGowan – who sadly left us in late-2017 – grew up in the southern county; his various bandmates over the years are a mixture of Dubliners and Englishmen. With their signature tune “Fairytale of New York” ineligible due to its religious references, any hopes they had of victory are likely to have long since diminished. Nonetheless, we should still expect a more than extravagant performance of a song which will not pass many by unnoticed – more likely to be rewarded by public than juries. It remains to be seen which members of the now-mostly retired Dubliners will remain on stage; partly due to the on-stage limits, of course, but also because most of them are now in their 80’s. The Pogues tend to rotate their lead singer these days; with Darragh Lynch (of Gaelic folk-band Lankum), the most likely person to appear on stage.
14. WEXFORD – Chris de Burgh: “Lady in Red”
The man in… well, we don’t know what colour(s) he’ll be wearing on the night just yet, but whatever they are, he’s another singer likely to rely primarily on jury votes. Born in Argentina, but moving around a lot during his formative years, including Malta and Nigeria – his family eventually settled in County Wexford. Although many musicians go under a stage-name, those who don’t mostly use their father’s surname; De Burgh took the unusual step of taking his mother’s maiden name for his career. Internally selected.
15. WICKLOW – Hozier: “Take Me to Church”
Luckily for Hozier, there’s numerous churches within walking distance of the Arena (trust me; I have good old Google’s word on it), so he’ll be able to pray for his chances before the show, and then afterwards for forgiveness. All joking aside, a steady flow of points from both is likely, but not a winner. In a two-way online vote, he emerged victorious over Moloko’s “The Time is Now” in an online-only vote. It was close; both songs were number two in the UK, albeit 14 years apart.
16. DOWN – Snow Patrol: “Chasing Cars”
In another Battle-of-the-Bands style County Final – overcoming stiff competition from Ash, Duke Special the Two Door Cinema Club – with many people describing it as their song to dedicate to their significant other, it’s likely to score strongly with both juries and public. Gary Lightbody and friends have had numerous other successful singles – mostly in the mid-00’s – including “Run”, “You’re All I Have” and “Open Your Eyes”.
17. LIMERICK – Cranberries: “Zombie”
With singer Dolores O’Riordan no longer with us (RIP), the vocal reigns will be taken up by Mark Greaney – former singer of early-00’s indie band JJ72 – yes, I know a male replacement for a female singer seems questionable, but have you heard his voice? I actually thought it was a female vocal until I saw them live! Her death in 2018 could give many people added impetus to vote for a song that is generally regarded as a pub-rock classic (I know, as my own band would often end with this song, and it never went down badly) – as will the sentiment of the song; referring, quite graphically, to the devastating impact of the long-lasting violence in Northern Ireland. Internally selected (not that this song would have ever failed to qualify, and is certainly among the favourites).
18. SLIGO – Westlife: “My Love”
Up there with Faith Hill’s “There You’ll Be” as the ultimate, poignant farewell song, this was the seventh of their 14 UK number one singles – no other group have had more, and only Elvis and the Beatles rank above them. Kian, Mark and Shane are the only notable superstars (of a musical variety, at least) from a county of around 70,000 people – the other two are both Dubliners. Internally selected.
The presenters will be former JESC commentator and the Voice of Ireland host, Eoghan McDermott, and former Love Island presenter, Laura Whitmore, with BBC comedian Dara O’Briain helping out in the Green Room. The venue will be the 3Arena in Dublin, although that’s kind of a no-brainer. As for the dates? Well, decide for yourself. It’s fictional, after all.
If you’d like to watch the whole thing for yourself, please see the YouTube playlist linked below:
D:Ream got the audience clapping along with their hands in the air to open the show. Niall brought back visions of Beatle-mania with the sound of several thousand teenage girls screaming his lyrics back to him ringing around the arena, and of course paying tribute to Liam at the end. Gilbert, despite only being able to get up and sing with his band – the most he was able to do with regards to staging – the crowd still responded enthusiastically as ever.
Mr. Morrison brought us a very special jazz/swing version of “Brown Eyed Girl” – it’ll be interesting to see how the voters respond to it. Enya performed infront of holographic staging – appearing to resemble an ancient Roman building – and changing colours on multiple occasions.
Damien was joined on stage by his friend Glen Hansard (of the Frames fame; he once dueted with former ESCZ/Songvakeppin finalist Marketa Irglova), and they treated us to a performance of exceptional acoustic beauty, with minimal staging – namely, just a black curtain. Chris de Burgh’s staging was rather, um, red, and yes there were a couple of rather attractive ladies on stage, though both wearing, um, black – although there was a certain lady in red sat just around the corner.
Just three each from the Pogues and the Dubliners appeared on stage in order to avoid contravening the six-on-stage rule. This didn’t hold them back; as expected, a rousing performance of a traditional favourite – complete with a fluorescent spider and web in the background – got the arena on their feet, and no doubt the folks at home as well. The Cranberries got perhaps the loudest cheer of the night, before Westlife wrapped up the show to almost equally rapturous applause (from the female contingent of the audience, at least). Shane and Dolores would have both been smiling with pride from above.
With the jury votes validated and verified, we’re good to… ah, better not go there.
At the halfway stage, Dublin have the lead by 9 points. Taking the lead after five rounds, they have yet to relinquish the lead, but it’s been slender at best. With three juries still to announce, they become the first county to cross the 100-point barrier. Only 2 points separating them going into the final jury, Dublin’s seven compared to Limerick’s five means U2 win the jury vote by a slender 4 points.
All to play for with the public, as always, ready to have the final say.
Here’s how the juries voted:
1. Dublin (113)
2. Limerick (109)
3. Donegal (99)
4. Meath (93)
5. Sligo (91)
6. Kildare (72)
7. Antrim (69)
8. Derry (64)
9. Down (59)
10. Louth (54)
11. Westmeath (38)
12. Wicklow (37)
13. Wexford (36)
14. Tipperary (34)
15. Waterford (31)
16. Fermanagh (18)
17. Cork (18)
18. Galway (9)
Before the televotes of participating counties, we still have to add in the non-participant votes. Here goes:
In 18th place, with 10 points… Derry/Londonderry. So, things can’t get worse, but they haven’t got that much better.
In 17th place, with 20 points… Cork
In 16th place, with 30 points… Fermanagh.
In 15th place, with 40 points… Waterford.
In 14th place, with 50 points… Galway.
In 13th place, with 60 points… Tipperary. They move into the top five.
In 12th place, with 70 points… Wexford. Chris goes third.
In 11th place, with 80 points… Meath. Ronan is now top.
In 10th place, with 90 points… Louth. The Corrs go second.
In 9th place, with 100 points… Kildare. And just like that, Damien is now in second place.
In 8th place, with 110 points… Antrim. Van now leads by 6 points.
In 7th place, with 120 points… Wicklow. Hozier is now fourth.
In 6th place, with 130 points… Donegal. Enya now leads by 50 points.
In 5th place, with 140 points… Down. Which means, yes, Down go up. Second, infact; 30 points behind Enya.
In 4th place, with 150 points… Limerick. They now have a 30-point lead.
Into the top three:
In 3rd place, with 160 points… Sligo! They miss out on top spot by just 8 points.
In 2nd place, with 170 points… Westmeath! Niall is now fourth.
In 1st place, with the maximum 180 points… it is, of course… DUBLIN!!!!! Meaning they will head into the televotes with a 34-point lead.
Here’s how it stands, with the non-participants’ votes added, ahead of the public vote:
1. Dublin (293)
2. Limerick (259)
3. Sligo (251)
4. Donegal (229)
5. Westmeath (208)
6. Down (199)
7. Antrim (179)
8. Meath (173)
9. Kildare (172)
10. Wicklow (157)
11. Louth (144)
12. Wexford (106)
13. Tipperary (94)
14. Derry (74)
15. Waterford (71)
16. Galway (59)
17. Fermanagh (48)
18. Cork (38)
We all know what happens now.
Cork. After the public have voted, they have decided to award you with… 26 points.
Fermanagh. You will receive… 6 points. Which means they will finish last.
Galway. You are getting… 8 points. They jump 3 points ahead of Cork, and will finish third from bottom.
Waterford. The public have given you… 13 points.
Derry/Londonderry. You have got… 39 points.
Tipperary. The public give you… 47 points. Perhaps not as big a total as some may have expected.
Wexford. You have received… 37 points.
Louth. The public have awarded you… 56 points.
Wicklow. The audiences at home are giving you… 91 points! Hozier goes fourth.
Kildare. The public have given you… 50 points.
Meath. You are getting… 61 points.
Antrim. You have received…
… 106 points!!! The biggest score yet! But it still won’t be enough to win, as they come in 6 points short.
Down. You get… 41 points. Which means Down go up once again, but can finish no higher than sixth.
Westmeath. The public are awarding you with… 96 points! We have a new leader. Niall will be under no illusions, however. Only 11 points ahead, it would take a minor miracle for him to win.
Donegal. The audience award you… 45 points. As expected, a much lesser total; it will not be enough for Enya. She can now finish no higher than sixth.
Sligo. The public give you… 71 points. They now lead, but it won’t be enough to win.
Limerick. You have received, from the public vote…
… 151 points!!! The standard two-way screen appears. Bono and chums must score a minimum of 118 points to be certain of victory.
Dublin. The public have given you…
…
… 158 points!!!! Which means it’s a beautiful day for U2 – as they win by 41 points.
Here’s how they finish:
1. DUBLIN (451)
2. Limerick (410)
3. Sligo (322)
4. Westmeath (304)
5. Antrim (285)
6. Donegal (274)
7. Wicklow (248)
8. Meath (234)
9. Down (240)
10. Kildare (222)
11. Louth (200)
12. Wexford (143)
13. Tipperary (141)
14. Derry/Londonderry (113)
15. Waterford (84)
16. Galway (67)
17. Cork (64)
18. Fermanagh (54)
And here’s the final televote table:
1. Dublin (158)
2. Limerick (151)
3. Antrim (106)
4. Westmeath (96)
5. Wicklow (91)
6. Sligo (71)
7. Meath (61)
8. Louth (56)
9. Kildare (50)
10. Tipperary (47)
11. Donegal (45)
12. Down (41)
13. Derry (39)
14. Wexford (37)
15. Cork (26)
16. Waterford (13)
17. Galway (8)
18. Fermanagh (6)
For those of you who prefer the 2016-18 system, whereby the public vote is announced in reverse order of where the public placed them (rather than the juries, as has been the case since 2019). Little to report until around the halfway point, where Snow Patrol and then Enya are ruled out of contention with comparatively low televote scores. Niall Horan goes top (though unlikely to win), Van misses out but will finish top five at the very least. If the Cranberries are announced as the public’s second place, then U2 have won. And, of course, we know the rest.
So, did the results go as I expected? Well, U2’s victory is hardly a shock, given their over-whelming popularity and ever-present status. The Cranberries’ rise in the public vote was always likely, but finishing as high with the juries was slightly more of a surprise. Pogues and Dubliners finishing 13th – the same place in which they performed – may come as a disappointment to them.
As for who’d have been the likely winners if they were all new songs by unknown (or just lesser-known) artists? In short, the table would have looked rather different. Enya still appears the obvious jury winner, but with “Cannonball”, “Chasing Cars” and possibly “My Love” all hot on her heels. Zombie would have been the likely televote winner, but they may have found themselves suffering a Baby Lasagna type fate – although equally they may have done a Maneskin. It’s not an easy call. Could have been any of the above, with Pogues and Dubliners, and possibly Ronan Keating, all strong contenders, but likely to fall short, along with D:Ream, who’s chances may have already been killed off by being on first. As for “Beautiful Day”; well, not an obvious winner, but one of their other popular hits – “One”, “With or Without You” and “Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” being the obvious ones that spring to mind, may have had a better chance. If I had to put my money on anyone, however, it would have been Van Morrison.
And so, that brings Part One of the Celtic Counties Contest to a close. But what do you think? Who would have won? Would my predictions be mostly accurate? Anyone I’ve forgotten? In any case, I hope you enjoyed reading, and will continue to read my future articles. And if you really enjoyed it, why not share it on your socials, or with someone you know who may be as big a Eurovision nerd as I am? Anyway, have a great day. Ciao for now, Eurofans!
